*In process of editing*
Megan's POV
When I woke up, Grayson wasn't there. I was confused at first, but then realised that he probably just went to get something to eat.
I sat up and just looked around the room that I was in. Everything was white. Everything was plain.
I kept thinking of having a future with Grayson. Having a family. Being surrounded by the people I love, and that love me. The thought alone brought a tear to my eye, but I immediately wiped it away.
That can never happen.
It's too late.
I'm just 17, yet my life is already over.
I don't have a nice future ahead of me.
I don't deserve one.
All the lives I have taken.
All the bad things I have done.
I've pushed away anyone that has tried to help me.
I'm a fucking monster.
I don't deserve it.
I especially don't deserve Grayson.
I was thrown from my thoughts as Grayson entered the room.
"Oh look, she's awake! It's about time" He said as he looked at his imaginary watch. I just looked at him with the *Wtf did you just do/say* look.
"I got you a coffee and a grilled cheese! You proud of me?" He asked in an enthusiastic voice.
I just laughed at his childish behaviour.
"What's got you so happy today?" I laughed out.
"Nothing" He said suspiciously.
I just squinted my eyes at him and he raised his hands in the air.
He handed me the grilled cheese, half of it was already gone.
"You little shit" I said as I opened the bag.
"What? I got a little hungry on the way here" He laughed out as he sat next to me. I just hit him on the arm, causing him to laugh louder.
The door of my room opened and a nurse popped her head inside.
"Excuse me, can you please keep it down? There are sick patients trying to sleep." She said annoyed and then closed the door again.
"Why the fuck are people still sleeping? Its like 2pm" I said to Grayson. He just smiled at me as I took a bite of the grilled cheese.
I could see him from the corner of my eye, watching my food.
"You're so fucking annoying, and greedy" I said as I put the grilled cheese up to his mouth so he could take a bite.
He took a huge bite, so I just handed the whole thing to him and drank my coffee.
"Do you know how long I have to stay in this shitty place?" I asked Grayson.
"No, but I can go check" He said as he wiped his hands.
"Please" I said and he stood up and walked out of the door.
He returned within seconds.
"Good news, you have to stay for another 2 days, then you're free to go" He said enthusiastically.
"2 days? Ugh!" I groaned.
"Hey, it won't be that bad" Grayson said as he sat beside me again.
"Okay, but you aren't staying overnight again" I said.
"But-"
"No but's Grayson. You aren't sleeping in that chair again" I said and he just nodded, knowing that he wouldn't be able to argue with me.
"So what do you wanna do today?" Grayson asked me.
"Really?" I asked with a laugh.
"Well, do you mind if I go do something real quick?" He asked.
"Go for it" I said with a smile.
Grayson got up and grabbed his jacket. He kissed my cheek, then left. I wonder what it is he wants to do.
I got up from the bed and moved to the chair next to the window. I just watched as the clouds moved by.
What did I do to deserve someone like Grayson? He is always trying to make me happy. I need to stop pushing him away. Every time I do, I only hurt him.
Grayson had been gone for about 20 minutes. When he returned, he had a bag in his hand.
"What's that?" I pointed to the bag.
"Nothing" He said as he put it into his backpack.
"No come on, don't do that to me" I said as I looked at him.
"It's nothing important" He said.
"Then show me" I pleaded.
Grayson wouldn't give in.
"How come you're sat in the chair?" He asked me.
"I wanted a change of scenery" I said. I then laughed at my own comment, causing Grayson to chuckle.
"Hey, Christmas is coming up" Grayson said randomly and excitedly.
"Your point is?" I said as I chuckled.
"I was thinking that maybe you and Joseph could spend it with me, Ethan and our family." He said with a bright smile.
"Grayson..." I trailed off.
"What?" He asked confused, almost sounding hurt. It's not that I don't want to spend Christmas with Grayson and his family, it's just the fact that I don't know if I will be there.
Once Damien is dead, I will either be looked upon or frowned upon.
If people frown upon my actions, then I'm in trouble. I can't drag Grayson and his family into that, and I won't.
If I have to run to protect them, then I will. I can't tell Grayson that though, or he'll try and stop me.
"Nothing" I said as I forced a smile.
"Megan, I can tell when you lie." Grayson said as he stared into my eyes.
I just stayed silent.
"Just tell me" Grayson said, sounding annoyed.
"Can you just fucking drop it?" I said coldly.
"No, I can't Megan. Why won't you just tell me" He said as he stood up and walked over to me.
"I'm done talking about this, Grayson" I said as I faced away from him.
"You haven't told me yet, so no you are not done talking about this" He said as he sat down next to me.
"Why are you making this bigger than it is?" I said annoyed.
"Because you can't keep hiding you're thoughts from me. You can't keep hiding you're feelings." He said softly.
"There's a reason why I do that, Grayson. You know that reason, I've told you many times." I said.
"You always end up regretting it" Grayson said, sounding defeated.
We sat in silence, and it wasn't a comfortable silence. It was awkward.
"I'll be back in a bit, I'm gonna get us something to eat." Grayson said, finally breaking the awkward silence. I just nodded and he left.
Ugh! This is why Grayson can't love me. I make him feel bad. I make him feel worthless. I don't want to do it, it just happens.
It's because I'm too Cold.
