Skinny Love (Jesse Pinkman)

Chapter 19

'Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me lying on the floor... where were you? Where were you?' -The Fray, Found Me.

The hot vomit surged out of my throat and into the toilet basin as I clutched both porcelain sides weakly. My arms and legs were trembling. I had killed her. I could have saved her. Holding my torso, I lay back on the cold tiled floor and glared up at the ceiling.

I imagined Jesse. How guilty he would be when he woke up and saw Jane next to him. He'd think it was all his fault.

Rubbing my hands together, I scraped my hair back tightly with my palms and sat my head between my knees. Taking that last tab was the worst thing I could have done. It had always made me sick but I had hoped for some sort of escape from this sick nightmare. Instead, I had spent the entire night scrubbing at my now swollen and scabbed fingers at Jane's blood that was never there. I jumped violently as the doorbell rang, chewing at my thumbnail nervously as I slowly stood up.

What if it was the police? What if it was Schrader? I'd be dead. It must have been some sort of manslaughter surely- I could have easily helped her... even if it wasn't, I was owed 20 grand from meth dealing. I also broke and entered into her house mysteriously on the night of her death which held over a million dollars. A thousand scenarios ran through my head, my Mother's face in the courtroom, being slammed onto the hood of a police car in handcuffs... I fucking knew watching Orange is the New Black was a bad idea.

"MILA- OPEN UP! YO- COME ON! I KNOW YOUR IN THERE- PLEASE!" Jesse's voice echoed through the bungalow as my heart sank further. I'd have taken ten Schrader's right now over this. The curtains were closed and my door didn't have a window, so I sat intently in my living room and listened to his desperate pleas.

"Mila... come on... please..." he whispered weakly, as a wave of nostalgia came over me.

***
"Mila baby... open the door..." I squeezed my eyes shut as his hammering and voice got quieter.

"I'm sorry I lied, I wont- I won't do it ever again I swear." His voice was thick.

"You said that the last time!" I wailed through tears, resting my forehead on the panel of the door.

"Baby.. I'm sorry I needed the money."

"Do you even realise how worried I was Jesse? You didn't care! I told you! I thought I'd lost you!" I screamed- smacking my hand into the door.

"Mila please I said I'm sorry just open up I'll make it up to you I'll give all the weed back I promise..." Jesse exclaimed.

"All of it?"

"You have my word sweetheart." Jesse's voice was calmer now. Opening the door slowly, I was met with Jesse's tear stained face.

"I love you so much." He shook his head.

"I love you-" he cut me off as his lips slammed to mine.
***

Opening the door slowly, I watched as Jesse turned around- his eyes were wide and alarmed.

"What do y-"

"I-it's Jane.. I don't know what to do-" he babbled.

"Calm down, alright? Come inside-" I ushered him into the house and gave the street a good once over before closing the door.

"You uh- you want any coffee?" I asked, trying to hide my hands as I strolled behind the kitchen counter that looked into the living room where Jesse sat shakily.

"Uhm- yeah, yeah." He nodded.

My hand shook violently as I poured the coffee, spilling over the side of the cup as I swore and slammed it down.

"You okay?" He called through.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm good." Finishing off the coffee, I sat down and pushed a cup across the table to him as he looked atw it and tried to stifle a laugh.

"You kept it..." he said solemnly.

"What?" I frowned, looking down the mug that read; 'I love you with all my dick... I'd say my heart but my dick is bigger'.

"Oh- yeah-" I shook my head in frustration, "Why are you here Jesse?"

"I-it's Jane. She's dead." He exclaimed.

"D-dead?" I pretended to act shocked, but the remaining fear from last night was enough to not make much effort pretending I was shocked.

"Yeah, I went around this morning for some uh, milk- and she, she was gone. She looked like she'd choked on her own vomit." He said gravely.

You liar.

"You just.. walked in?" I frowned.

"Yeah the... the back door is smashed right? I rang her and text her and there was no reply so I just came in." He nodded nervously- rubbing his nose, a habit I remembered he did when he was lying.

"Oh... I uh..." I shook my head, it was buzzing. I was lying, Jesse was lying- Jane had lied. It was just one big tangled mess.

"I knew you were good friends, I thought I should be the one that told you over a cop." He shrugged.

"That's- that's nice thank you, I uh, uhm- have you called the c-cops? Have you called them?" I stammered.

"They're on their way." He rubbed my knee, "I really am sorry Mila, she was a nice chick."

"You were friends with her too... or, whatever you were."

"What? I knew her a week, sure I'm upset and all-" no, I thought. Your guilty.

"Did you sleep with her." I said coldly.

"W-what?"

"Did you sleep with her." I repeated.

"I told you Mila. Ever since I left there's been no one else." He sat further. I didn't know what to do- if I told the truth it would get him in just as much as shit as it would me.

"The police are gonna be here soon." I stood up as he took my hand.

"Here." Stuffing a wad of notes into my hand he smiled, "There's your share."

"Jesse, it's okay-"

"I'm not gonna take it back." I nodded, slipping it into the cookie jar which currently held about 5 dollars in change.

"We're gonna have to arrange the funeral- I'll have to ring her Dad-" I began, wiping a hot tear off my face as I felt his arms lace themselves around my waist.

A/N:

Ooh cliffhanger! I'm so sorry for not updating yesterday, I do try but it will literally be impossible for me to update everyday- especially when I work all weekend! Hope you are all still enjoying and I still love seeing all your votes and comments! ~ Cat.