Skinny Love (Jesse Pinkman)

Chapter 40

The rest of the afternoon, I had tried to scroll through some emails for a number of hopeful tenants, but I ended up just staring at the blank walls. Everything I did, I drifted off into a daydream. Sometimes I didn't really think about anything at all.

I didnt want that feeling to come back. That feeling that I had so many years ago now, complete rock-bottom. Near the end I could barely even look at Jesse without wanting to kill him. It was never exclusively his fault, it was both of ours. But I couldn't look him in the face, and soon love turned to loathing, disgusted hate.

It was something that shouldn't have happened, I needed someone else to feel the pain I was feeling so I transferred all of those feelings onto Jesse because I couldn't handle it myself. That had just started to go away, and all of a sudden I see the guy after all these years. Was it some sort of sign? Don't get involved, stay away? Run now?

He still had the scar from when I threw the ash tray at his head. There was so much screaming and yelling and I was just so angry... I needed it to stop, just like I needed the voices to stop now. Sliding my hand into my bag, I placed the two packets of blue before me. The one Jesse had stolen, and the one I had bought. Holding them up to the light, I jumped and nearly dropped it as the front door opened.

"Yo, Mila I'm home!" Jesse called. I'd been sat there a lot longer than I'd realised.

"Hi..." I said quietly, clearing my throat as he entered the kitchen, a few white bags in hand.

"Had a good day?" I forced a smile.

"Had a little problem at the lab but it's all fixed now. I think old timer has finally cracked. Going crazy over a damn fly..." he laughed, stuffing the contents into the cupboards.

"But it's gone now?"

"Yeah, bitch bit it. Still your favourite, right?" dropping a bag of M&Ms in front of me, it snapped me out of another peripheral gaze.

"Yeah! Thanks..." opening up the bag, Jesse continued to chatter about his day. Pulling one out, I looked down. It was a blue one.

"Mils." he snapped his fingers in front of me as I looked up.

"You okay? You seem out of it?" he looked at me closely with a concerned glare, "You didn't use the bag I left for Skinny, right?"

Grabbing my chin, he examined my eyes. Grimacing, I pulled away roughly.

"No I havent."

"Then whats wrong? I know you went out today because Skinny told me you werent here? Where did you go?" he rested his palms on the counter and stared at me.

"Just went from a drive."

"Just went for a drive, huh?" he nodded, before grabbing my bag.

"JESSE!"

Silently, he plucked the two bags of crystal with his thumb and forefinger out of my bag. I silently thanked myself for putting the notes I hadnt given the kid in a box under the bed for Saul to deposit.

"Where the hell did you get the other one?"

"I'm not in the mood-"

"WELL YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE YO, HAVE SOME RESPECT. TELL ME WHAT ITS DOING IN MY CRIB!" Jesse yelled.

"I dont want to tell you because you'll do something stupid." I cried, his face softening.

"I wont get mad at you."

"Its not me I'm worried about, J."

"Look, you know you can tell me anything. So spill." sitting down, he rubbed my arm.