His Boxy Smiles

Chapter 40

Worry, regret, guilt and everything else in between morphed into sadness and pain.

Taehyung didn't know how to deal with them.

Dr Lee had told him that his body's state worsened drastically. That his immune system is far too weak and he was too vulnerable and sensitive to anomalies that he couldn't let anyone in to the room to visit him anymore.

As bad as that sounded, even that couldn't compare to the weight on his chest. Nothing could possibly outweigh what he'd done. He thinks that even if he died right then and there, it still wouldn't matter because he'd hurt his members.

It had been seven days since the night he fought with them. How stupid he was to let that even happen!

He'd contemplated more than once to beg his doctor to see them and every time, he'd realize that he didn't know what he would say to voice out his apologies clearly.

He didn't even know if they would want to come to visit him at all anymore!

How could he fix this? How?

He had let words that hurt them out of his mouth.

Taehyung hurt them.

He'd never done that before so how could he possibly know how to fix shit?

So Taehyung always bit his tongue whenever his doctor or the nurses came by.

Before, when he had nightmares, he'd wake up to his members comforting him. But now, nobody was there.

Taehyung was alone.

He missed them so much. But he also felt that he deserved this. This was his punishment.

Taehyung's going crazy being alone in that room though.

When he sleeps, the car accident haunts him. When he's awake, his guilt would be there to taunt him.

He's basically in pure misery.

The only way to lessen his misery was to choose between sleep and reality. So sometimes, he wanted to just sleep although the nightmares were there. That way, he'd escape his punishment. He even went as far as asking for his doctor to give him more medicine so that he'd sleep his days away. He'd prefer seeing himself die over and over again than be awake in the cruel reality because he'd come to realize that the universe hated him.

And it helped. But not quite.

His fever hadn't let up. Maybe his temperature decreased by a degree or two but the fever was still there.

He'd vomitted ten times in one day and he was always swimming in nausea. His head would always pound like it hated him and he'd pass out seven times in just two days.

All these were definitely his punishment.

And he deserved it.

All of it.