His Boxy Smiles

Chapter 58

They thought they'd seen it all; from the crying to the full blown breakdowns. Who wouldn't? They'd seen Taehyung a crying miserable mess that they thought it was only natural to think that they'd seen him at his worst... but they couldn't be more wrong.

When they'd read what he wrote in the notebook, they could feel each word slapping them mercilessly.

But reading it was nothing like seeing it first hand.

Looking at Taehyung, they could literally see the boy's mind stirring, thrashing and accelerating, like no other before, as seconds pass them by. They watched in complete horror as he trembled, pleaded and crumbled in the form of sobs and pleas right in front of their eyes. The room was heavy with everything, absolutely everything, that Taehyung's been harbouring all by himself. The sound he was making as he cried- no, wailed, was so heart shattering that they couldn't help but feel suffocated and burnt. Every. Broken. Sob. Burnt.

Taehyung looked so small against Namjoon's chest, so fragile like thin glass. He kept mumbling about how he died and how he wasn't the same anymore against his hyung's shirt- heck, it felt like he was chanting it. Like he was believing it.

"I'm-mm- I'm not- I can't- I'm not me-ee anymore. I'm- I'm d-dead. I'm practically dead, hyung! I'm-m-"

"No, don't think like that," Yoongi cut the boy off, shaking his head. He was torn. Everything that was coming out of his precious dongsaeng's mouth was tearing at him bit by bit and he could only imagine how it must have felt like for the younger all this time, being alone and isolated. "You're still Tae. That's not true."

"But it is," Taehyung objected, shaking his head, sobbing harder. "And you'd leave me eventually because I'm not-"

"No, stop that!" came Seokjin's stern voice (though shaky). "You're tormenting yourself! Stop it! So what if you're not the same as before? So what if you're broken and a wreck? We don't care! You're still Kim Taehyung, our Tae. That doesn't change things! It hurts me that you would think for even one second that we would leave you just because of that! We're not going to, okay? We'll get through this together so you don't even have to ask for us to stay. We would stay even if you push us away, TaeTae."

"Your pain is our pain too, Taehyung-ah," Namjoon added. "You can trust us to stay. You don't have to be afraid or suffer all alone. Not anymore. We're here now and we're sorry about before."

Namjoon's hold on Taehyung tightened and the younger could only cling on like his life depended on it.

And maybe it did.

They stayed like that for a while, whispering reassurances to Taehyung until his sobbing eased out into hiccups."I'm-m sorry. I'm sor-ryyy if I'm-m a burden. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll do better. Please don't leave me again. Pleaseee. I can't-"

"Shh," Hoseok hushed him. "We won't. I promise. You're stuck with us whether you like it or not. Hyung's going to take care of you now. Hyung's here," he carded his fingers through Taehyung's hair affectionately, calming the younger considerably.

It was silent after that. The kind of silence Taehyung didn't fear. It was the kind of silence that used to lull him to sleep back at the dorm. The kind he liked to bathe in on good days.

Could he get that back? That normalcy? Could he really go back to that? Was he allowed to?

"Tae?" Hoseok nudged him and he blinked. Huh? "You're awake," his hyung smiled down at him automatically and when he noticed his confusion, the frown and worry was just as automatic. "Is there something wrong? Are you uncomfortable anywhere? Or hurting somewhere?"