His Boxy Smiles

Chapter 52

They must be crazy, Namjoon thinks. No, they must be insane, masochistic, anything you could name it. Maybe it could even pass as sacrificial because they actually felt physical pain reading it the first time but for Taehyung, they read it over and over again. They read it so many times they could recite it on their own, without any sort of help. It's forever ingrained in their memory and they didn't even mind at all.

It had been a week since the notebook was given to them. It had also been a week since Taehyung showed any signs of life. The boy had practically gone mute. He hadn't said a single word to anybody; be it be Dr Lee, Mrs Woo or them. To say that they were worried and sick would be an understatement. It didn't help when they were told that Taehyung always had a far away look in his eyes. He was always spacing out like he was in his own little world. The members feared that whatever space Taehyung had created for himself would be that of darkness and pain.

And so, in that one week, days have been filled with agonising thoughts and memories. Everything in the notebook explains every strange behaviour and little weird actions Taehyung had been displaying and it honestly, honestly, just made sense. And the way it made everything clear just broke their hearts even more.

Obviously, a lot had changed ever since Taehyung's accident and Namjoon was pretty sure a lot more things would in the future as well. Change hadn't always been something any of them were used to, not even himself, who's been taking up the role of the leader ever since they debuted.

It's very evident that none of them knew how to deal with the changes and Namjoon just felt helpless.

He wasn't the only one conflicted by their predicament though and yet... why does it seem like the weight of the world is on my shoulders?

Namjoon sighed as he looked at the clock hanging on the wall. It was way past 3 am and he finds himself questioning why he's at his studio instead of back at the dorm sleeping like the rest of his members.

This wasn't the first time though. Somehow, at the end of each day, he finds himself cooped up in his studio, attempting to take his mind off of everything by trying to compose songs, because he couldn't sleep and simply needed to get away from the suffocating silence of his sleeping (or seemingly so) members. In fact, he'd been slipping out of the dorms without being noticed (or at least he thought it went unnoticed) almost every night for the past week.

Namjoon knew that he shouldn't be pulling this kind of behaviour. He knew that he shouldn't be hiding out, keeping his burdens all to himself because that would just be hypocritical of him seeing as he- no, they had been trying to get the same message across to Taehyung, but he did it anyway. Why? Because he was the leader and as the leader, he had to protect his members. He had to think of their wellfare and make good decisions. Thus, he couldn't voice his problematic thoughts. At least not until he could organise them and pull himself together.

In the midst of his self evaluation (if you could call it that), his phone started ringing rather loudly, almost startling him off of his chair. He would have cursed out loud in his shock but then he realised that he was entirely to blame. He had forgotten that he had set an alarm to signal his need to get home.

"Right!" Namjoon murmured as he grabbed his phone in annoyance and turned off the alarm.

Tiredly, he stood up and stretched, snatching his coat and wallet from the top of his desk while inserting his phone to the back pocket of his black jeans.

With or without an alarm, he was so going to get busted one of these days, especially since everyone's hypersensitive ever since Taehyung's accident. However, with that in mind, once he reached their doorstep, he still entered with extreme caution. He even went as far as holding his breath as he tiptoed his way to his room.