Dirty Little Secret

26.

Chloe's POV
Grocery shopping is a big hate of mine. Like seriously. I always seem to find some new healthy snack to buy and i end up spending the same amount of money on myself as a family of 3. Either that or i find myself getting hit on by every Tom, Dick and Harry i bump into. Which is why i find myself down the snack aisle in a hoodie and sweat pants that im sure have last night's dinner on them and a scruffy road man cap, mainly to shadow my puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. I slipped some protein and fibre bars into my little basket that i had on my arm and went to walk out of the aisle when i blindly bashed into someone and their basket.

"Oh sorry Miss i-" i recognised that voice. My eyes widened when i locked onto those navy blues, her face dropped, "uhm..." Beca stammered awkwardly. I felt a lump rise in my throat as i looked at her, i could see her eyes were also red and bloodshot and she also wore similar clothes to myself, very obviously not having a care in the world. The lump began to rise further, i feel so sorry for her, i never wanted to end us I could've happily ran away to the moon with her, im so in love with her that it hurts to see her like this. Its her dad's fault, "uh...what-what're you doing here?" She asked, blankly.

"Im grocery shopping" i moved my basket towards her so she could see.

"Oh yeah...how stupid of me" she laughed at herself and scratched her head, i looked round us.

"Are your family here?" I whispered, she nodded, "Beca..." i started, she looked at me, "Im really so sorry. I never wanted to break us off and-" she cut me off.

"Yeah but you did" she said. I sighed.

"If i had my way I wouldn't have..." i muttered.

"What?..." she asked, her eyes widening, "did he say something to you?" She asked stepping closer, i shook my head briskly.

"No, im just saying that i-"

"So why else would you not have your own way?" She hissed.

"Listen, it wasn't your dad..." i started, "who will be here soon" i added.

"Chloe im fucking serious. Did he say anything to you?" I'd never heard that tone to her voice before, it was deep, serious.

"No, he didn't!" I whisper shouted back.

"So really you're chatting shite and you broke up with me because you never loved me..." she said, shrugging.

"No, Beca its really complicated but i always loved you and i still do" she shook her head and i saw her eyes glass over with tears.

"D'ya know what?" She asked and swallowed hard, "the reason this is getting to me so fucking much is cos..." she sniffled and choked back her tears, "im scared. Im so scared to let go cos i feel as though I'll not find someone who loved me like you do and i fear that I won't ever get over you"

"Me too..." i whispered.

"Say it then..." she said, i frowned, "say you won't let go" i opened my mouth to say something but couldn't, and that hope in her face began to dissipate.

"I can't Beca. We can't be together and you know that. As much as i love you, it would never be enough"

"It would" she said and rushed forward, taking my hands in hers. I shook my head but leaned in and kissed her softly, i felt her breath catch as i moved my lips against hers. She let of my hands and twisted her fists into my hoodie and pulled me onto her.

"I love you" i whispered against her lips before breaking her grasp and pacing back down the aisle, away from her.

After having bought 3 bottles of red wine and a litre of vodka i chose to got the bottle. Its been a very unproductive day, i had my run in with Beca this morning then i came home and baked a chocolate cake and now, at 9pm, after laying and watching TV for the rest of the day with a big tub of Ben and Jerry's, im relaxing and getting drunk with myself.