Sweetest Whatever

Chapter 13: Differentiate

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Chapter 13: Differentiate

Megan Dalton

Instead of going to the bathroom, I came barging to my bedroom-the place I know that I will be safe and no one harming me. This is the place where I did my decisions, my promises and where I expressed all my feelings. In this room, I've cried, I've laughed, I've screamed, I've been drunk. Indeed, it is the most memorable place I know- except for Roy's treehouse.

My tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably. I didn't know what to do-more like I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm tired with all this shit happening to my life. Just a moment ago, Nicole and I played Just Dance and she picked that Cher Lloyd song. Oh how I wish she picked anything but that.

With the lyrics speaking to me, guilt filled up my heart fast. It made me realize that I'm hurting Matt. I'm hurting somebody I care for. I wanted Roy back in my life. Where he was my Jack and I was his Rose. He's the Percy to my Annabeth, the Jace to my Clary, the Four to my Tris, the Augustus to my Hazel Grace, the Christian Grey to my Anastasia Steele. Where every single thing was beyond perfection. Everything was okay yet that okay was shattered. I was too oblivious to notice that he was slipping away from my grasp and I couldn't fathom why I didn't realize it until I completely lost him.

But then here comes Romeo-I mean Matt. He's not your typical love story interest but he's got the looks (damn that killer smile), the brain (his ideas are the most peculiar, okay) and the heart (he cares for people's feeling endearingly which I'm completely the opposite of.)

I must admit... Wait. Oh god, oh god. Will I really say it? Right here, right now? Well, maybe. After all, like I said that my bedroom is where I let all my feelings out even if I'm just overthinking them.

Okay. I take a deep breath and relaxed a bit. I'm overthinking.

Well... yes. I am falling for the annoyance. Happy?

Yes?

Go fangirl then. I don't mind seeing you squeal and jump for happiness. After all, it's because of me.

Going to the time when he was so uneasy because a Justin Bieber song was playing. I cared. I fucking cared for my boyfriend. He was so annoyed with Kent and Bryce because they picked that song so I told him to help me prepare snack in which he obliged. You know, I really don't mind if he calls me babe anymore. It's like I'm used to it.

I locked my door, ensuring that no one will see me debate with myself. I wish Ethan was here. But sadly, he's on a date with his girlfriend (again). We've been so distant lately. He barely spends time with me. When the horrible breakup happened, he was there as my shoulder to cry on. He's my best friend-slash-brother. He knows a lot of secrets I don't tell my four other bffs. And that includes my deepest secret up to date- my affair with Hendricks.

I plop down my bed and grab my nuance throw-pillow. I hug it tightly and hide my face in it. I screamed. My voice came out muffled. I used the pillow as a concealer to hide the impact of the scream. Like they say, scream your heart out, it'll make you feel better. They were right. It did make me feel a little bit better.

I'm confused. One second, Roy's still in my heart then boom, Matt enters the picture. I'm torn between two people. Both of them involved with a girl I disgust most-Katanya Shieldings.

Well, remove this fucker called Roy Davis out of the picture. He's with Anya and he's happy. I can't do anything now. He fucking replaced me for that blonde barbie. Matt... Okay scratch this. I'm crying because of two fucking boys. How the fuck did I become this miserable? Then again, Matt and I are dating officially for a month already. For him, it's plain real. For me, it's all just a game. A game of revenge, I must say. I've hurt so many people. I've lied so much these past few weeks. But somehow, I've developed silly feelings for Matt. He's a special snowflake.