Turn Away | c.h

Chapter 44 - Holding Onto You

My eyes slowly opened, this light shining through my curtains causing me to squeeze my eyes shut again.

My head was pounding, an ache settling all throughout my body as I laid in stillness. There was a gentle silence around me, consuming me as if i was it's last breath. I felt exhausted beyond the point that I could fall asleep any given second if I wanted to. But I could feel a lingering presence around me, and because of it, I couldn't allow myself to sleep.

The bed slowly dipped down beside me, his warmth already spreading to me. My eyes slowly fluttered open again, the light blocked by his broad shoulders. He glowed in front of me, vibrant eyes searching mine as he stared at me. I adjusted myself, tiredly rolling onto my side as he placed his hand beside me. No words had been said, and I could see that Calum was being as gentle as possible.

"How are you feeling?" He quietly asked, placing the back of his hand on my forehead. His eyebrows furrowed, feeling my temperature before gently cupping my cheek.

"Tired." I whispered, my voice raspy from sleep. He nodded in acknowledgment, pushing the hair back from my face, letting it trail down onto the pillow.

I noticed that his eyes didn't once leave mine, his brown orbs soaked in guilt and concern. The same eyes that I'd seen last night as he pleaded me not to offer him everything he had worked so hard on denying.

I then remembered all that had happened; the men, the screaming, the crying, the pain that held Calum captive. Everything that happened came back to me in one hit, I felt as though someone had punched me in the gut and left me for dead on the floor. I was hurting, my heart was aching the more I remembered. He lied to me, Calum lied about almost everything and made us look like an absolute joke to everyone around us.

I pulled away from Calum, watching as his features fell. He looked concerned.

"Stella..." He trailed off.

"Don't." I softly said, slowly sitting up. My dizzy mind made his hard to sit up stably but I managed to without help from Calum. I ran a hand through my hair, my eyes avoiding his as we sat in silence.

I couldn't believe he would do this to me... to us. Surely he realised the pressure he put on us when he decided to build our relationship on nothing but lies. What else was he not truthful about? Did he even love me, or was that another cruel lie he decided to feed me.

"I didn't want you to hate me... I didn't know what else to do, Stel." He spoke, shifting closer to me. I looked up at him.

"So you lied to me?"

"I was trying to protect you." He said, shaking his head softly. I furrowed my eyebrows, dropping my hands down onto my lap.

"From what." I said, fed up with all of his excuses. I just wanted the truth for once, was it that hard?

Calum's jaw muscle flickered, his dull eyes falling down to my lips as I waited for his response. His chest heavily rose and fell before he lowly spoke the words,

"From myself."

I looked away, shaking my head at his words. It was so unbelievably spoken that I felt like I couldn't believe him. Mostly, I didn't want to because I didn't want to get even more hurt than I already was. It felt like he had broken me to the point that I didn't even know if I wanted to return. How could he honestly expect me to forgive him after this?

"Why would you do this then? Why would you force me into your life if you're danger to me. It makes no sense." I said, watching as his eyebrows narrowed.

"I didn't force you-"

"I mean, you did. You put yourself into my dreams then followed me around. And then forced yourself around me." I said, the words spilling out like verbal diarrhoea. I mean, most of it was true, apart from the fact he forced himself around me. I was intrigued by Calum, I found myself craving to be around him and so I did just that. But everything else was the complete truth.