Turn Away | c.h

Chapter 73 - Ghost of You

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I had found hell.

It was inside of my head, and had completely swallowed me whole, rendering me into the darkest corner of my cell. Nothing could soothe the pure sorrow that was drowning within me, exiting through strangled sobs and shakes. Darkness and silence surrounded me fully, no distractions offered for the burning pit of agony in my stomach.

I could not forget the look of my lover, laying flat against the cold cage floor, eyes closed and lips parted. Blood smeared across every inch of his broken body. Folded and left for hell as I was dragged away, scratching and punching to get to him. I was left to wonder where they had put him; had they left him there? Did they drag him away into the darkness of the woods?

I had no idea I could hold this much pain, my body was physically aching from the amount of heartbreak I felt. It was as thought someone had cut open my gut and left me there for death, slowly bleeding out. All because I lost the one true love of my life, the one thing that had completely saved me and made me realise how beautiful existing could be.
Calum never deserved to die that way. Not because of a selfish, disgruntled man who had clear authoritarian issues. He never deserved to be beaten to death and have his morals ripped out from under his feet- no one that Felix had captured deserved that.

Nothing no longer felt real, knowing Calum ceased to exist. I could feel his lack of presence, it was like this inescapable realisation that would not dull down, not even for a second. I was trying to adjust to it, trying to tell myself everything would come good with time, but deep down I knew it never would. Everything would forever feel off balance without his presence. Nothing will ever feel the same, look the same, I was practically starting fresh in a world I no longer wanted to be in.
They had no right to take him away from me. No one did. I wanted to destroy every single person involved in ending his life, I wanted them to suffer just like he had.

I curled up tighter into myself, my eyes squeezing shut as I tried to block out the outside noises that broke the silence. Voices and laughter echoed around the small room, momentarily filling the void of silence with unwanted sounds. I tucked my head up between my hands, clasping around my ears in hopes to alleviate their chatter. Hearing their joyfulness and banter was too much for me right now; they had just taken the better half of me yet sat outside my room talking and laughing, rubbing the loss of Calum into my face. It was beyond cruel.

Another involuntary sob left my body, rattling my ribs as it echoed pathetically around the room. My hands tightened around my head, shaking vigorously from the cold and the shock. It had been hours since I'd been thrown into my room, locked away to comprehend everything that happened. No part of me had come to terms with losing him, and I knew I never really would. Maybe I'd spend the rest of my life trying to figure out why our time together was so short. Maybe I'd finally give into the overwhelming need to join him, and search for my own way out. After all, I was not willing to spend eternity mourning the loss of my Calum.

The light flicked on beyond my room, illuminating one corner of my cell. I almost hissed at the sight, wanting complete isolation. If anyone came for me right now, I was going to absolutely lose it- more than I already had.
The voices out side ceased, stopping simultaneously. I pulled my shaky hands away from my face, wiping my cheek with the back of my hand. Curiously filled me as silence rattled through the halls, break every few seconds by the sounds of harsh footsteps.