Maddie's POV
"Bea." I whispered and lunged forward hugging my best friend tightly like my life depends on it.
She held me not asking anything, she haven't said a single word as she let me cry on her shoulder. Both of us hoping it will somehow ease my pain.
I just walked out on her room, I walked out on us. And even if we both agreed to do this I still can't help but get hurt with the decision we came up with. I badly want to keep fighting but everything is too complicated. It's not just about me, or Pauline or Therese, everyone is involved now and I can't let my happiness ruin someone else's.
Our relationship is toxic, and it hurts to know that I lost the battle I, myself made. That somehow, after everything, it's still not enough to keep us going.
We will keep running in circles if we didn't decide to 'end' things. Both of us will get tired and maybe it will end up worse than this. No matter how much it hurts, I know I have to let go, one way or another. I just did.
I don't know how Bea and I ended up being in my room. But all I know is when I pulled away from our hug and opened my eyes we're not in front of the room where I got my heart broken into tiny little pieces.
I found out that even the comfort my safe haven gives isn't enough to make me feel better. Bea kept telling me it will be okay and how I wish I can believe her, because nothing is okay.
I cry, miserably, telling myself over and over again that this is for the better. That, maybe one day, we'll get another shot at love and things will be right for us.
"It's okay to cry." She's the first one to break the silence, Bea placed her hands on my shoulders staring straight into my eyes. "I know it's hard, but you did the right thing no matter how wrong it may seem.
I nodded my head and she let out a sad smile while wiping my tears away.
"Rest for now, we'll be here if you need us." Bea tucked me to bed like a child.
With an aching hear, I closed my eyes and let tiredness pull me into a deep sleep.
Since our break up, I'll cry myself to sleep and whenever the morning comes I will get up and pretend things are okay, ignoring the fact that everyone in our family knows things aren't. I am far from okay. I can't fool them. And I can't fool myself also.
Everyday I have to indure the pain. To live with the fact that we may never be right for each other again.
I miss all the feelings Pauline give me when we're together, even when we're apart. I miss the way she calls me, monkey, idiot, or stupid to show her affection. I miss how she'll cover my eyes for me not to see her blushing. I miss seeing her smile all to me. The comfort her touch brings. How a simple look can make or break my day.
One Wednesday afternoon, something inside of me is telling me that I should get up and go out of our house. Unable to resist the urge I found myself taking.
I don't know if I should be happy or not. After weeks of purposely avoiding her, here she is standing a few meters away from me. The thing is, she's not alone. She's crying in ate Amy's shoulder. A part of me is sad and hurt, that should be me. But I am happy, knowing someone will be there for her.
My knees felt weak once I heard her sob, before she could see me, I turned away.
I stumbled and almost fell on the ground, almost, because dad was there to catch me.
