Maddie's POV
"Yeah? Okay, have fun."
I heaved a sigh and sat down on the bean bag next to Bea. She and Jirah are watching my every move.
"Ponggay?" Jirah asked, guitar on hand.
"Yeah." I lifelessly said.
"You guys still not okay?" Bea asked.
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"We never had the chance to talk about it properly. Although she said it's okay and that we should drop it off, I know we're not really okay. In fact, we are far from being that." My shoulders slumped as I remember mine and Pauline's status right now.
"I thought you guys are going out today?" My best friend asks, her curious eyes not leaving mine.
"Dapat. But she called to tell me that we can't." For the nth time, I let out a sigh, a sign of being stressed out.
"Bakit daw?"
"May pupuntahan daw sila ni ate Amy. Sometimes I think she's cancelling it on purpose. For the past week I've been trying to reach out for her."
"Hindi kaya napagod siya kasi lagi kang busy last week?"
"Alam naman niya na kung ako lang gusto ko umalis kami, kaya lang..."
"Kaya lang, ano?" Jirah quirked an eyebrow waiting for what I am about to say next.
"But she can't say no to Therese." Bea answered for me. "Madds, we know how much you love Tey and how much you value the friendship we have pero Ponggay is your girlfriend, hindi naman tama na palagi nalang siya yung mag a-adjust everytime na you can't say no to Tey." My best friend put emphasis on the word as if to make it clearer for me.
"It's not helping any of you. Sinasanay mo kasi yung best friend natin eh. Ano? If ever the time comes na they will both need you sasabihin mo sa girlfriend mo na, "Wait lang, after ng best friend ko ikaw naman."? Maddie, if you can't be there for Therese immediately apat pa kami na pwedeng puntahan siya." Jirah spoke, her guitar now safely placed on the couch.
"And when are you planning to tell Tey everything? Kapag mas magulo na ang sitwasyon? Tignan mo, naapektuhan na relationship niyo ni Ponggay."
"You also said it yourself, hindi fair sakanilang dalawa. And that Pauline doesn't deserve to be kept as a secret. What happened last two weeks should be a lesson to you. Don't wait for the day na Ponggay will be filled with insecurities. Baka mamaya instead of making things better ay mas lumala pa. You might lose them both." Bea added.
"It's not easy as it sounds. Kaya nga I tried to stop myself from liking her diba? Kasi I know things won't be easy. Pero it's so hard not to fall for her. Those times where I am raging with jealousy but I have to stop myself because I don't have the right, were torture. The fear of being too obvious, it was crazy. Ni hindi ko nga siya makausap kung hindi ko siya aasarin eh. Then I found out Tey still likes me, that was so hard for me. I can't even imagine how hurt she might feel kapag nalaman niya na I am pursuing her sister." My voice is full of emotion. I am pouring out all the feelings, hoping this will lessen the weight I feel inside.
"Tapos, finally I was able to let her know. That was the happiest day of my life kahit na in the back of my head sumisigaw yung takot ko. Paano kung hindi ko siya mapaglaban? Na dumating yung araw that we will both let go kasi nahihirapan na kami? Pero despite all the fears I have I swore that time na I will fight for her, for us."
The two of them are just looking at me, with pity and understanding in their eyes.
"When finally we're together. Kahit na I want to scream in happiness, I know that hindi pwede. Mas masakit isipin na I have the right pero hindi ko magawa. I can't take her out on a normal date, where we don't have to hide or have a chaperone. We can't do things freely, whether they are big or not. Heck, mas madalas pa nga siyang ma-hug ni ate Amy kesa sakin eh. It's so hard. Kaya if you're going to ask me kung gusto ko ba malaman na ni Tey? Oo, I badly want to talk to her. To finally let her know. Trust me, I have a strong faith in our friendship pero everytime na iisipin ko yung pwedeng mangyari, na pwedeng mawala yung friendship namin, I am so scared. And what scares me the most is the fact na pwede kong masaktan si Therese."
