Nightmare

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Dezzy

I watched Zack practically run to his car, and away from me.

I tried to hold back the tears, because this was not the reaction I had expected. I was failing because as he sped off down the street heartbroken sobs ripped through my chest.

I thought this is what he wanted. Why was he leaving like this? What could possibly be more important than finding out you're going to be a parent? I mean this is life changing. It's a miracle. This baby is a miracle, and now he doesn't even want it I'm sure.

What am I to do? Why would Zack have me go through all of this to literally bail on me the minute it happens?

I have to do something. I know one thing even if he doesn't want this baby, I definitely do. This was something that I was so sure would never happen for me, and now that it had I was going to seize my second chance at being a mother, never letting it go.

I walked inside and into the room that Zack and I shared grabbing my suitcases. It was obvious that he didn't want this baby, and just like with Jimmy I wouldn't force anything on him. But one thing would be completely different this time, I would raise this precious child on my own. Under no circumstances would I let this slip from my hands for a second time.

I justified my fool hearted actions of my past with I was far too young to be a mother. I couldn't provide for a child, I wasn't equipped for motherhood, but now I knew I was. There was a reason I was given a second chance for this. This was fate, I was destined to be a mother, and I would fulfill that destiny to the best of my ability. I wouldn't let anything, not even an unwilling father, stand in my way.

If Zack didn't want this baby now, then he didn't want me either. I wouldn't stay where my baby wasn't wanted, or where I wasn't wanted. I would leave.

With a heavy heart I loaded all of my clothes and other belongings into my suitcases, placing them in my car. I would later come back for the rest of my stuff. It wasn't all that important, right now what was important was being in an environment where me and my baby were welcomed and loved

I thought about going back to my own house, but Drew and Tony lived there now. It wouldn't be fair to just show up and say hey I need my house back get out. Eventually I would talk to them about it giving them time to find themselves a new home.

My spare room in my house could serve beautifully as a nursery. I wonder what color I would be painting the walls? Blue or a soft pink? Zack had never told me in our many talks of children if he wanted a boy or a girl,  but I think I would like a girl.

It really didn't matter the sex of the baby. I just wanted the baby, safe, happy and healthy. Either boy or girl I would love this child beyond the stars. If Zack didn't want to be a part of it's life, that would be fine, I would love my child enough for the both of us.

But what had changed his mind? Was it all a test or something? I mean did he really know that I couldn't accomplish getting pregnant, and then when he knew that I had, he didn't want it?

Maybe he was more like Jimmy than Zack actually realized. He had spoke of before that he would have never reacted like Jimmy had at the thought of me being pregnant. Zack swore he would have been loving and accepting not being selfish and rude like Jimmy was. Except to a huge shock to me he reacted exactly as had Jimmy.

Zack ran away from me, just like Jimmy. I wasn't going to wait around for Zack to come back like I did with Jimmy just to hear he head made me an appointment to have our situation terminated. I would never ever go threw the hell of an abortion again. Come hell or high water I would give birth to this baby. I would raise this child. I would be the mother I always really wanted to be, even back then.

Zack wouldn't force me to get rid of this baby as Jimmy had. Never again would I let someone have that control over me. I thought I loved Jimmy and I thought he had me, but that didn't compare to how I felt for Zack.

How I felt for Zack didn't compare to the love I had for my unborn child. I would protect this baby with my life. I would even walk away from who I had come to know as the love of my life, except now the baby had taken that spot.

I would walk away from Zack to keep my baby. Maybe one day he would come around and want to be a father. If not well his loss.

I drove around for a bit looking for a place to go. I thought about going to Kat's but things had been going so well for her and Matt I didn't want to impose. Besides Kat was nearing the end of her pregnancy and those two needed their alone time before a baby was here.

I don't know how I ended up at the cemetery but I did. I got out of the car and walked to Jimmy's grave, kneeling at his headstone.

"Well hey" I mumbled. "I'm pregnant."

I sat there in silence for a minute, took a deep breath then continued "I know you don't care. You didn't like kids. But I am and its Zack's. He reacted just like you did, except one difference. I am not going to let him bully me into terminating my pregnancy like you did."

It felt good to finally say the words, he had bullied me. He had told me that a baby would ruin our lives.

"A baby wouldn't have ruined anything" I snapped. "It would have been lovely. Now I get another chance. I hope you're in a better place. I know I am."

I rose to my feet, feeling better than I had in days. I walked back to my car and got in starting up. I knew where I would go now, I would go to Barbra's.

I pulled into the drive way and parked getting out and walking to the door. I stood there, I had to tell someone who would be happy for me and I was sure Mama Barb would be.

"Dez?" Joe smiled opening the door.

"Hey, is Barb home?" I smiled

"Yeah come in." He laughed hugging me.

"Dezzy baby hey" Barbra smiled walking into the living room.

"Hey mama" I grinned hugging her "Can I crash here until Tony and Drew find another place?"

"Why would you need to?" Barbra asked me as we sat down.

"Well Zack didn't take too well to some news I have" I laughed nervously.

"What news?" Joe demanded

"Is everything okay?" Barb whispered looking me over "You look worn out."

"Oh everything is fine" I smiled "I'm pregnant."

It sounded like a a bomb of laughter and screams erupted.

"HOW?" Barbra cried hugging me tightly

"I have the one ovary" I shrugged "Fertility treatments"

"Zack isn't happy?" Joe demanded a dark look passing in his eyes.

"I don't think so he hauled ass" I shrugged "So I left."

"You can stay here." Barbra grinned "We're gonna have a baby"