Nightmare

Chapter Forty-Eight

Zack

I had never been so thankful or so terrified of the same thing as I was now.

I was so thankful that Desiree had made it threw what Rachel did to her. I was beyond thankful. I found my self thanking whatever god there was every morning when  I would wake up and see her laying there peacefully sleeping. I honestly don't know what I would have done had she not had made it. Or if she had lost the baby.

I knew that loss would probably kill her, so I was more than thankful, our baby, our son had survived. In four short months he would be here, hopefully healthy and looking just like his mother.

But god I was terrified. What Rachel had done had shown me, even though Dez was one of the strongest people I had ever met mentally physically she was frail. She could be easily bruised and broken.

The yellowing bruises on her body, the plaster cast on her hand showed that much. Then was her ever growing belly, in which she held my son. Anything could hurt her. Even me.

I could hurt her. I was terrified to touch her. I was scared that what I thought was a simple embrace could break her sending her into labor. I was afraid of her in a sense. Afraid that my own hands could damage her and our baby.

If something happened to our unborn son, she would never forgive me. Desiree would leave and never come back. No amount of hugging, kissing, begging or pleading would bring her back. She would be gone.

I knew Dez was growing resentful. Now in her second trimester she was beginning to be more like herself again. She could eat and smell things again. She was energetic again. I was happy for her, she felt better. But in feeling better something had changed in her. Now she seemed to want sex all of the time.

Except, no matter how bad I wanted it too, I couldn't do it. All I could imagine was I am heavy compared to her small frame and me on top of her, I would crush her and the baby. I would make her be in pain.

Every time she would kiss me, driving me insane, just when I would almost give in to my own desires of her the image of me hurting her would fill my brain. I couldn't shake it

Dez had tried numerous times to assure me she would be fine. It was perfectly safe for pregnant women to have sex, but I just didn't believe her. I mean most pregnant women don't have the living hell beat out of them and live to tell the tale. The doctors had told her to take it easy.

By god she was going to take it easy. I couldn't bare to let her drive. Stand too long, cook, hell if she would let me I would bathe her. Of course then she would probably want sex and then get pissed off when I shut it down.

She was walking around pissed off at me all the time now. Dez was barely talking to me. I didn't know how to tell her of my fears. She would probably think I'm crazy anyhow.

"Hey" I smiled at her as I walked in the kitchen spying her eating ice cream for breakfast

"Hola" Dez mumbled around a spoon in her mouth.

"So I am going out for a bit" I smiled

"Have fun" Dez snapped throwing her used spoon in the sink.

"You don't want to come?" I asked her "Or ask me where I'm going?"

"Nope" Dez shrugged "I have plans too"

"When were you going to tell me that?" I asked "How are you going to get there? With who?"

"Well parole officer" Dez hissed rolling her eyes "Barbra asked me to lunch, then we thought about doing a little baby shopping."