Nightmare

Chapter Thirty-Five

Dezzy

So many things have changed in the past six months.

Its hard to describe them accurately besides, well they've been different than anything I've ever experienced. It was good, but also had its draw backs. The world is all about balance. So there can't be good with out equal amounts of bad.

For one, Zack and I moved into together into his house. I rented my house out to Tony and Drew. Having a live in boyfriend was something that takes getting used to. One thing was obvious I was a much cleaner person than Zack was. Then there was the task of merging our belongings. Him seeing some of the pictures of Jimmy and I.

There was jealousy. He tried to hide it. I know he did. But I still saw it. Of course by now he knew everything about Jimmy and I's relationship but it was different I guess actually seeing photographic proof. To make things fair, I put a lot of my pictures in storage. Zack had a point, as did Kat, that really now that I was with Zack why would I need pictures of Jimmy and I together in my home. Especially the home I shared with my boyfriend. It made sense and I relented.

For two, we never knew exactly what happened to Rachel and Victoria. It seemed as though after Mexico, they seemed to go back into hiding. We never found out who told them about anything. I was beginning to think we would never know how they knew anything.

I knew it wasn't over with them. People like those two girls never disappear for good. They will always find a way back in at the worst times. I kept my guard up, looking for them at every turn, but in six months nothing had happened.

Things between Zack and I were mostly good. I mean we hardly fought or argued. We seemed to even each other out. I was madly in love with him, and I could be pretty certain he was with me. Talks of marriage had crept up from time to time, and of course with that other questions were asked.

One thing that seemed to be weighing the most was Zack's apparent need for a child. Which only seemed to get worse with Kat's pregnancy.

Zack saw how happy it made Matt. How much closer it brought him and Kat and I could tell he wanted the same for us. I did. So I knew he had too. But, truth was it probably wouldn't happen.

When the truth of my condition came out he seemed so understanding. Knowing that having a child with me would be nearly impossible. He seemed open to the idea of adoption. But now? Now it seemed he didn't really like the idea of adoption.

Zack began researching what my options were. I didn't think there were any but Zack had proved me wrong. Very wrong. And he always wanted to talk to me about it.

He constantly was bringing up me trying different ways to conceive. Invetro. Artificial insemination. Everything he could find. All the new medical ways.

It was driving me insane. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love Zack. I'm certain he is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Of course I would want to have children with him. However I had long ago accepted the fact that I would probably never have my own children.

Did it make it easier? No, it still hurt. Almost every girl dreams of meeting their prince charming, getting married, then have their prince's babies. I knew that that particular fairy tale would probably never happen for me.  I could be the fairy godmother in the story to my friend's baby.

Zack wouldn't settle for it.  I couldn't blame him. It wasn't his fault that my poor choices in my past had led me to be completely unable to have my own children. He deserved children and god I would love to be the woman to give them to him. I wanted to be. So I agreed with doing everything he suggested.