Nightmare

Chapter Nine

Dezzy

Since Jimmy had died my mind, I guess in a way to protect its self, would send him to me.

I would wake up and for a fleeting moment he would be seated on my bed.

He wouldn't ever speak, or touch me, just offer me his beautiful smile then he was gone.

It would make my moments kg weakness, when I gave into my despair, worth it.

After seeing Joe and Barbra the depression hit.

It hit hard.

Seeing them was difficult. It got so bad after his death I just could not do it anymore.

The breakdowns were too intense and could last for days. I would always eventually throw myself into work usually accepting assignments far away.

Can't do that when your assignment is walking talking reminders of him. Why our relationship had failed.

It hurt beyond words yesterday. I had no choice but to take a personal day.

I'm sure I would catch he'll from the members of the band. Honestly I couldn't care less about that and I did what I had to.

I locked myself in my room. I cried.

I screamed. I cursed Jimmy for coming into my life.

I cursed him for leaving.

I screamed at his memory for dying. For being careless. For leaving me with nothing but memories.

I cried for his loss. I cried for my own. I cried harder when Zack came refusing to leave.

I cried because he mentioned Jimmy. I cried for his pain. For his blissful ignorance. I gave into one of man kinds most primal need.

I gave into his touch for a brief moment. Until the grief and crushing betrayal filled me to the point it escapes through my tears.

That has to be the explanation of this beautiful dream.

Jimmy has always visited but never touched me.

This beautiful dream is vivid. So real.

I can feel his warmth. His touch hands caressing my body.

I can feel the steady beat of his heart. The calm repetition of his breath.

I don't want to open my eyes because when I do, he will be gone.

The room will be empty and worse of all cold.

Really maybe these aren't beautiful dreams but sick, sweet nightmares.

I can't help it though. I want to savor it. It won't last firebrand I feel safe.

I lean into his touch. Enjoy the soft but calloused feel of his finger tips sending shock waves over my skin as they trace little lines up and down my arms.

"Sleep Desiree" he whispers. "I'm not going anywhere I promise."

My eyelids fly open.

The voice is wrong. Much too deep.

Instead of Jimmy my eyes adjust to the sudden brightness and find Zack.

"You?" I ask quietly making no attempt to remove my self from his embrace.

"Yes, me." Zack whispers into my hair "I'm not James, but, I'll stay with you."

My heart stops.

Just quits for a few beats.

"James?" I choke surprised.

How on earth would he know?

"You talk in your sleep" Zack mumbles pulling me in closer to him "you were so upset. You didn't need to be all alone. I couldn't leave."

Tears again sting my eyes. Not ones of pain but of tenderness and appreciation.

Zack stayed with me. God only knows what he heard, if he heard the truth, but he heard my pain. He understood. He didn't see weakness in the way most do. He saw me at my worst and chose to stay.

"Thank you" I whisper sliding tears away from my face.

"I understand." Is all he says.

And truth be told he needn't say more.

"Do you know the time?" I ask, snuggling against him.

"Very early. The sun just came up." Zack explains hiding his eyes in my hair. "You didn't sleep well. You should sleep now."

"Are you staying?" I ask.

"Do you want me to?" Zack counters.

It's a valid question. I wanted to be alone yesterday. Just to wallow in my grief and guilt.

But now, now, no I need him to stay.

It's been a very long time since I've been held.

Held in only the way a man can hold you. When they can make you feel so small, so fragile, but safe.

Feel whole again. To feel as a woman should.

Maybe nothing will come kg this except a friend. Maybe I won't even gain that after he learns the truth but god in this moment, his arms wrapped around me, I need it. Not sex, just to be held.

"Yes, I want you to stay" I whisper then clear my throat "I need you to stay." I clarify boldly.

"Okay, then I need you to do something" Zack whispers.

"Yes?"

"Close the blinds." He laughs "your hair kind of tickles and I can't sleep with so much light."

"Oh" I giggle slowly moving away from Zack and out of bed.

Once the blinds are closed I slowly return to bed a bit apprehensive.

That is until I cautiously lay down and then Zack pulls me across the bed tucking me back into his arms safely.

"Thank you" I whisper sighing relief.

"No problem." Zack smiles against my cheek "you're not alone Desiree."

"You called me Desiree." I comment noticing it doesn't bother me as it does with everyone else. On the contrary,I enjoy it.

"Oh sorry," Zack hisses "last night it was the only way I could calm you down."

"Oh," I huff. He will probably not say it again.

"You were having some pretty bad nightmares" Zack shudders

"I'm sorry." I sigh feeling embarrassed.

"Don't be. It's understandable. I used to too." He whispers softly rubbing my arms. "And in sorry for calling you Desiree."

"No, it's actually okay" I smile

"You don't mind?" Zack asks me moving my hair from my neck

"Not from you" I yawn

"Good, I like calling you that." He whispers against my exposed neck "now get some sleep. We have a date tonight."

"You need sleep too." I mumble fighting against the pull of sleep my eyelids are screaming for.

"I will when I know you're safely dreaming."

I turn ever so and look at Zack leaning over a bit and softly kissing his cheek.

"I will for now" I whisper knowing somehow he will act as my Drea. catcher chasing away the nightmares of Jimmy.