Ma Vie

Chapter 34: Letter to Self

Dearest self,

2016 has been a very challenging year for you. I know you hustle, always in a fight, but in case I don't tell you enough, you're beautiful. You always say that you can't do it, you want to give up. But in the end, you push yourself to go further. Cause you know that quitting doesn't define you to begin with. You give nice pieces of advice to others, but you always struggle to pay attention to yourself more than you do to them. You don't really listen to you most of the time. And that's okay.

You lose friends and gained some, you learned to filter those who needed to stay. You know that you don't really need a lot, only a few true ones. Those who you can completely trust your inner musings, those who can completely be honest with you beyond your eccentricity. And you don't really need to talk to them every single day. And that's okay.

You finally accepted that crying doesn't make you weak. That sometimes, it is really okay to cry yourself to sleep. That it's okay to be alone. It's okay not to listen, not to care, and not to be nice. It's okay. It really is.

I don't know if you realize that, but at some point, you become more mature, more patient, more forgiving, more accepting, stronger and transparent than ever. Even when you feel invisible. I am so proud to know that you've grown to acknowledge your worth. Cause you know that there are really days that you're gonna get depressed, days you don't feel like eating, days that's hard for you to see what you're looking in the mirror, days you feel the world is on your shoulders.

But you don't want the world to see you turn into an old hag. So ugly, sad, cranky and most of all, unaccomplished.

I will always love you self, no matter who else does or doesn't. No matter how many times you mess things up, how many times you stumble, how many times you feel neglected, how many times you lose the will and hope to go. I will always, always think that you are exceptionally wonderful. I know your heart better than anyone could, remember that. Now face 2017 with the same fiery desire to soar, 'cause anyway, you know that they can't hold you down.

Love you always,
Self