a teen's journal | rants

love-life? BAHAHAHAHA

warning: what you're about to read is very sad. and by sad, i mean sad like it's so sad that it's funny how sad it is. i'm talking pathetic. just like my life. so enjoy!! :)

if i had to describe the one and only time my love-life actually had a life with 12 seconds, they'd be...

SHE WASNT READYYYYYYY

I WAS EMO I WAS CRYIN MAN THIS BITCH WAS SO NOT FUCKING READY NHSHWNOT NOT EVEN CLOSE FOR WHAT THE HELL WAS GONNA HAPPEN.

T'was summer, 2016.

the birds chirping, sun shining, school papers being thrown away, my plan for total no-talking-to-people-from-school boutta go underway...

when bullshit surfaced.

a guy started talking to me.

my reaction was legit: bish what

but no guys for real like a guy like was talking to me, like the "talking to hope to wanna date you" type talking. and the funny thing is, he was a guy at my school i NEVER EVER would've considered being involved with. LIKE LITERALLY I USED TO THINK LIKE "hm yknow i don't think i'd date him we wouldn't work" bc like come on fr everyone looks at all the guys/girls and tries to decide if they'd date any of them or not like EVERYONE DOES THAT LOL

i've never had a boyfriend, never dated, and i am THE WORST AT READING SIGNALS, IDK IF ANYONE ELSE IS. i've had very few crushes and like my class don't got a lot of boys, it's more girls (there are less than thirty students total in my entire grade) (yes wow i know my school is super small) so my options are few.

have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend? how was your first one for you if you have? tell me EVERYTHING I WANNA KNOW

aaanyway, so this guy i never would've thought would talk to me. i always thought he was careless and kinda like a major fuckboy, tho i don't think he's "done the do" if you catch my drift, but i always thought like he'd had girlfriends from out of school and he had dated a few girls at my school before and i heard each ended badly so that was kinda my conclusion. and here i am, a girl with 0% experience and a girl who is shy as hell. but i apparently figured out that that's what he was into.. so i was like, okay...

i had an idea that he did drugs/drank, which let me address, i find a major turn off and it's what worried me the most about if i actually did date him. there's loads of people who like just don't care about that, and that's fine like you do you boo boo. but for me, as fun and "exciting" as the "bad boy" seems, i'm more interested in a good guy that i can trust. i feel that doing drugs and drinking at such a young age is leading to a high chance of you just screwing yourself over in your future... idk that's just how i feel towards it.
(also i was re-reading this and with the "high" chance thing.. there was no pun intended about the drugs and stuff HAHA)

what's your stance on that subject matter, would you date a druggie? (i might do a chapter on that, idk, seems interesting)

so, he was talking to me very often, he began to be the person i texted the most and i was really iffy at first, like he wanted to hang out loads and stuff and i was really kinda nervous about the drug/drinking thing and on top of that my somewhat friend at the time (though we're really not friends anymore bc she preferred the fake people (whom hate my ass) which is fine idgaf) liked him. she'd liked him for ages and quite a lot at the time he began to talk to me, and i was just barely talking to him, so i figured i shouldn't get in her way and be a nice person.