a teen's journal | rants

life is strange

^^also the title of a very good video game

if you know me really well

you know that i'm horrible at decision making.

i hate decisions they should just never exist.

like people ask me why i don't go out, it's not because i don't want to (even though it is), but it's mainly because i cannot pick an outfit to wear for shit

i made a decision recently that i'm gonna go see Dunkirk with my mom and dad ~first~ before i return to see it with anyone from school. i just think it's better for me, and here's why:

so i get A LOT of shit for being a hardcore fangirl. and i do consider myself to be hardcore. i suppose latching onto something to keep up your spirits when you're depressed has that affect on you of being obsessed with it because it constantly makes you happy, and that's what happened to me and one direction...

and youtube.

i saw it with my sister when back in the day she latched on to Michael Jackson as she went through deep depression. though she took it out of proportion with her obsession. it reached bad heights. and if you think i'm too obsessed, you haven't even heard of too obsessed unless you knew my sister in those days. and now it's just attention she desires to keep herself going.

but like my guy friend who i am supposed to see it with wants to go, like i said, partially to see me flip my shit. during school, i kinda laughed it off but now that i've had a perspective of living my life teased free, i don't wanna get too teased, if that makes sense? like i can handle some of it. but like i just hope he doesn't over do it. idk, i have only seen him briefly so far (though i think i'm seeing him tomorrow) and maybe it'll all just fall back into place and i'll feel just like how i did back in school. who knows.

lemme talk about the brief moment we saw each other.

so we're both actually neighbors, he lives the next street over if you remember me mentioning this before, and he's been wanting to hang out with me for weeks since i've not seen him, and i mainly just wanna do it to get it over with. i'm just worried that hanging out with him means having to hear things of people i don't really care to hear about from my school— people who dislike me/fake people, or like i mentioned, for him to scold my antisocial summer

so when i got my new puppy, i was home alone with him and he texts me asking if he can stop by super quickly and see my puppy for the first time and i said yes. literally he hugs me and says he missed me and then yaps about his girlfriend (and even though she hates me/i don't really like her, i understand it's okay if he wanna talk about her. like tbh, if i had a boyfriend, i'd be thrilled to hear he always talked about me. he's a good guy, he's dedicated, so it's nice of him, even though i dislike her).

but he goes on talking about other people and i'm here like petting my puppy like agh okay i don't care about these people and their relationship. especially the way he brought it up! like he says it as if i should know. he said it like:

"idk what ________ and ________ are gonna do about their relationship."

and i was like "lol why? is ________ leaving our school"

tho inside i'm like

WHO GIVES A SHIT

(also short tidbit here, i've watched WAY too much PewDiePie lately on youtube, so i'm reading this and all my caps in his voice and it's very entertaining)