a teen's journal | rants

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got to LOOOOOVE THEM 1D memes^^^

a lot has been happening in the past couple weeks.

i'll talk about it in order, and i actually need some advice if anyone reads this and can help me.

so my sister has been back home and let's just say it hasn't been all too pleasant.

i mean she just doesn't spend time with me/my family. she's on her phone all the time when she's awake, because she sleeps like from 4am-4pm! she spends all that time she's actually awake just talking to her fucking boyfriend or my cousin who she has some weird obsession with (don't EVEN get me started on that topic).

another thing is (and i cannot recall if i've mentioned it before) she's barely eating.

and its fucked.

she had anorexia years ago and recovered. she has depression that she's medicated for, and she's fragile. but when i first saw her in June when we went to LA to pick her up, the first thing i noticed was how much skinnier she looked since i last saw her in March.

since she sleeps and skips breakfast and lunch, that already clears off skipping 2 meals, and she just has a small snack after she wakes up and then eats dinner, but barely any dinner, and we're all concerned and she's denying saying that she's eating just fine.

i don't believe that shit.

i don't want my parents to go through the scare again when my sister steeped down to just skin and bones and was hospitalized. i remember i was like 10-11 years old and terrified, traumatized and what i witnessed my sister go through at 13.

it scares me what road she's heading to and since i know if i approach her in person she'll leave or get all defensive, so i'm wondering that if i write her a letter about it, she might come to her senses and come to me?

she doesn't open up too much to me as she does to her boyfriend and our cousin (honestly he's really just her cousin, he's a fucking stranger to me and i dislike him oops) and i even asked him wtf was going on and he just says that he knows she looks skinnier and is more concerned now that she might be lying to him about her eating habits since she tells him she eats good.

and i'm like: NO SHIT.

if you had to approach someone about something like that, how would you do it?

i honestly need help. like i'm just a concerned younger sister.

some people around here don't get it. they've not been exposed to real shit like this happening in their lives. i mean for fucks sake, they go through full on end of the world behavior and act like their life is over when the person they like doesn't like them or something so stupid or insignificant happens. they don't even know real sadness or fear like what we went through when my sister was sick. so when they ask me what's wrong and i say i'm just worried about my sister (something i don't even know how many times i said as she was in college this past school year) they laugh it off like i was joking. and i'm not even close to joking.

idk if it's bc she has a boyfriend or just the influx of pretty people where she goes to school or what has made her decide it's just okay to revert to her old ways.

i ask that if you can't offer advice, maybe just pray for her or wish her well? it's just really scary to me.

another thing on my mind that deals with that are my own issues. like i want to lose weight and be healthy but im always worried ill accidentally take it too far. like what if my family maybe is prone to the types of thoughts my sister has? like, prone to that weakness? idk if that shit runs in the family but i sure know i've reached depression peaks near to hers.