a teen's journal | rants

importante

okay.... this is gonna be short and sweet (i hope, i tend to ramble, i just wrote a 6K word chapter for my book so)

this book is gonna be not so much discontinued as it will be just sort of sitting here being on hold until i get good content enough for it, that way i won't bullshit anyone who reads this with something boring.

i have my reasons:

1. I am busy with a lot of mental things going on.

i really do feel myself sinking back into a depression since school is coming up in less than ten days, and it's just a lot of feelings going on over here. i am having nightmares about school every night, and i've cried myself to sleep a few times. i'm sad that i'm walking into school unsure if anyone has my back, and i don't have anyone who will sit by me in classes or lunch, and i am just feeling so much but i need buff up and toughen up, and find ways to dispel that depression in anyway possible. it's really intimidating going in solo. please wish me luck or pray for me, i need someone to have my back.

2. also, just fucking school in general is coming up, so here goes my free time.

i'm going in a junior, and i'm scared. i'm getting a step closer into needing to find a college and the work is getting harder and longer. as scared as i am of the social stuff, i'm also scared of the academic stuff. i'm also scared that i'm growing up, like wtf. my life is changing so fast, i'll be 17 in 2018, what the hell is life?

this reason also translates to the next reason...

3. i'm busy with other projects...

lately, i've gotten so bloody obsessed with writing my fanfiction, that i get guilty feelings that i neglect this book. i have plans to make a sequel to the book i'm writing currently, and i have two new book ideas cranking in my brain after that. i enjoy writing both of these, this diary and my fan fiction, but i'd rather not dwell on this as much as i care to on Weapons.

that book, it's done wonders for me. it's my favorite idea i've ever had and it's what i'm most proud of producing this year by far. being so immersed in my own story is such a thrilling feeling. i updated it yesterday and just finished writing a new chapter today, and guess what, i'm going to start on the next chapter today. it excites me to write it, it's so hard to explain. and lately the amount of love it's received has just made me so happy. it dispels depression for me for a moment, and it's my escape. writing has become a strong passion of mine this year especially and i'm so glad.

check it out if you want, since i'm over there a hell of a lot more than i am here.

BUT. there's another project that is soon coming that i'm also going to be busy with.

i think i've worked up the guts to start my dream, to start a youtube channel.

you should be proud of me! if you recall in my first ever entry in here, i said it's my dream and it took me 9 months to get enough confidence to try!

i want to be a youtuber, and being a youtuber sort of takes place of this book, right? i'd be talking about things i talk about in here on there, except you'd see my face and hear my voice and screaming and fangirling.

it's basically this journal on video, isn't it?

i have hopes i want to fulfill with the channel. i want to make friends, i want to be social on social media, i want to understand people and connect with people similar to me, i want to make people laugh, maybe cry, and fangirl. i want to, if i can get popular enough, make some sort of difference in the world. helping charities and starting your own just seems like such a cool thing to do, i would love to do something like that. it's my dream job to be a youtuber, and the fact that you can get paid from doing what i want to do it seems like a damn cool first job, huh?

sometime in the near future, i'm going to get the full courage and turn on my camera and go, and that is going to take time from my free time. i'll have to learn to juggle school, youtube, and writing, and that'll be a challenge i'm ready to take.

my channel is in my Wattpad bio, so if you want to be so kind and subscribe, i'd appreciate it❤️

also, i'll be trying to make either Twitter or Instagram my main domain for the channel. it's hard bc people i know follow me on IG, but i don't care for them to know of my youtube channel so it's SUCH a struggle idk what to do help ME

(if you care to follow me on those and be a "first fan" or whatever😂 here:

IG: lexieshamir
TWITTER: @theonewithlexie )

i'll probably pop in here and ask for video ideas once in a while, if this book gains any popularity at all, considering like 3.25 people read this book lmao

5. just the awful feeling of watching this book sit here when i don't update it gnaws at me like you wouldn't believe.

and the thing is, it's not that i don't want to update it, it's just that i don't have much to update with currently. but....

I WILL NOT DELETE THIS BOOK!

i was considering unpublishing it, but keeping it for myself to look back on, but i decided against it. there will be things eventually that i might write in here, and so i don't want to say that i'm filling dumping this book. i'll have shît to write for sure.

like how i feel after my first day of school

or just rants about the people around me (a common one😂)

aaaaand lets not forget my harry concert coming up!!!!!! that'll be a fun one to write, and i hope to vlog it too when i start my youtube channel.

so this book will just remain here and be updated, just not as much.

unless i finally make myself pick up an actual diary and write my thoughts in there privately.

nah, typing is more efficient😂

anyway, that's all i really wanted to say :) i needed an update to clarify these things and why i've not been active.

thank you to anyone who's read this book/kept up with my weird ass life, commented, voted, given me advice, etc. i appreciate it a lot, and if you want to still keep up with me, you know where i'll be!

and if you ever need anything, i'm here.