a teen's journal | rants

literally hate myself

me rn^^

bc guys

like i hate myself

my body literally hates itself

with finals this upcoming week i've gotten stressed, so stressed my hair has begun to thin up again which is so scary and it makes me really upset

fuck high school.

literally it can go fuck itself

i am so done with all this fake crap! fake people are in fact everywhere like watch the fuck out because you might not know who's fake or not. your best friend, maybe your dog, maybe your sibling are all fake IDK ANYTHING ANYMORE

PLEASE TAKE ME OUT OF MY FUCKING SCHOOL AND HOME SCHOOL ME PARENTS PLEASE I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE

people are making me want to go completely off radar. like i was fine with seeing my neighbor/guy friend this summer and maybe some other people but it's actually because of said guy friend that i genuinely want to just not talk to anyone this summer. he's stressing me out and pushing me to be friends with one of the girls who ditched me at prom and he just doesn't understand me and it makes me want to cry because he will fight and fight for that girl, and i know he tells her my responses which is unfair because he should keep shit fucking a secret. but i wonder if he goes and tells the other girl and sides with me on anything, bc the way he sides with her sounds like he doesn't give a shit with what i'm saying, and makes my feelings feel invalid.

he says this girl wants to be friends with me, when at school she doesn't talk to me, she ditched me at prom, and with multiple chances where she could've talked or something she doesn't. her actions don't match with his words he speaks for her. granted maybe she has her own side to the story, who the fuck knows. if she so desperately wanted to know why i'm so quiet with her too and wanted to be my friend, she could come to me with the issue and not having my guy friend talk for her. it's so sus (how i say suspicious) and it drives me fucking insane.

he tells me that "she doesn't know where she went wrong" (um idk, maybe abandoning someone at prom and not inviting them to take pictures with you might do it) and that "she could be that perfect friend for me" (um okay sure jan) and that "i just need to open up to her and hang out with her and trust her because she will be honest and respectful"

BITCH LIKE HELL WOULD I OPEN UP TO ANYONE AT THIS SCHOOL AND OPENING UP TO MY GUY FRIEND NOW MAKES ME REGRET IT BC OF THIS WHOLE CONVO WE HAD ABOUT THIS GIRL

i'm sorry, but the past few months especially she's shown no potential of these things. and if she truly wanted to be my friend she would come up to my face and talk it out with me.

i'm talking about this all out of order but essentially, my guy friend and i were texting today and he's like "yeah i want to have a party when school's out" and i said "don't count on me going since i don't do parties" and that's when he brought this girl up.

and it hurt me that he couldn't keep our convo a secret. wanna know how i know he was telling her what i was saying whilst we talked about her?

i get a snapchat from her while i'm mid convo with him. i got 10x more triggered than i already was. plus there were questions he was asking that sounded SO SUSPICIOUS

but after i end this long, agonizing convo with him i look at her snapchat and she asks me to hang out, after much of a conversation of me and my guy friend having of him telling me i need to hang out with her, etc.