a teen's journal | rants

improvement¿?

this chapter is essentially just a blurb of me talking out loud saying my thoughts and kinda just talking to anyone out there who wants to hear how busy or shitty or surprising my life/mind is at the moment

okay that's what this whole journal is but i don't have a clear cut topic for this entry so bear with me people

i am many things and feelings right now.

firstly, here is some story time. this one will explain why i am done with people at school.

so monday, i'm at lunch and the two girls (that i am still upset with from how they ditched me at prom) who are in my "group of (fake-ass) friends" invite me to sit with them at another table with a group of their friends. it's something i've done before with them.

this other group of friends who are in the grade below me have ~somewhat~ been okayish towards me i mean they have no reason not to be considering i do not talk much at school, let alone to them.

but whilst i'm sitting there, i didn't talk at all. instead i was disgusted at how they all acted like total bitches to a boy in their class.

this boy is actually in my art class. he's a little odd, he gets along better with upper classmen, i'm talking like seniors, than he does with his freshmen classmates and i think he might have a disorder or something that does impair his social skills. here these girls are, just a couple of tables away, laughing their asses off as he does something so normal as chew. they literally made fun of how he chews, they made fun of how he talked, how he sat, and they would stare at him to make him feel embarrassed. they're so loud and obnoxious i'm not surprised if he heard them being so rude.

who gave them the idea that they're any better than he is? someone can do what they're doing to him to them just as easily.

i wanted to leave, but i didn't know where to go. i don't want to be associated with rude people like that, are you kidding?? i don't want people to think of me as the girl who sat with the judgmental bitches and must be one of them too. i never want to do that again. i felt so bad for the poor boy because i know he heard and saw them.

secondly, i'm stressed as shIT.

finals are coming up quicker than i can handle and with all the shit my teachers are laying on us as well as having to prepare, i'm so stressed out and scared, i can feel my anxiety attacks coming any day now. please wish me luck, i'm so nervous..

thirdly, i'm confused.

remember that kid i told you guys about that kept looking at me at prom, and he was going to ask me originally but the guy who was actually my date beat him to it? well remember how i told you i thought he liked me?

oh my god i am so so SO shit at reading signals but i'm 87% sure he likes me and idk what to think

first, he doesn't have my # so i don't talk to him outside of school. but damn, at school he's talking to me so much like he sees me in the hallway he catches up or slows down to walk next to me, he ALWAYS is looking at me lmao and he finds any excuse to talk to me. i know he's a nice guy, not like previous druggie dude i nearly dated (who nowadays i see him and always question what the FUCK i was thinking😂). but like i just think high school dating is dumb, overrated, and drama-causing. plus he's friends with the fake group i despise and i can't handle them along with him. like i would refuse to go to a party with him if any of those people were there or else i would gladly jump out a window.