a teen's journal | rants

shit about to go down

me^^

typing this all at once, if there are mistakes, oops :)

i've been on summer holiday for about a week now. it's been pretty freaking awesome.

last summer was hellish with me not getting a moment to be myself and i was hanging out with people who i obviously don't speak to now on a constant and i feel like i couldn't breathe. now, i feel like i can breathe.

i've spent most my days at home. haven't talked or seen anyone. i'm a home hermit, i love being home and lounging around, it's just a beautiful thing, i don't know. like i see all them people my age going out and doing shit on social media and me and my unproblematic self just sits here doing my own shit like writing and watching youtube and it's just so nice.

i told my parents that they are so damn lucky to have a daughter like me who isn't such a troublemaker and who doesn't do drugs/drink or constantly go out like some people in my grade. i am such a good daughter for them, which is all i want to be, and they trust me 100%. i'm so blessed with that.

my older sister on the other hand..

okay, she doesn't have a good relationship with us, she's just not very close so with us there's a strain there but in college this past year, her first year, she's gotten herself into a fucking mess.

my parents regret sending her to a college so far away bc she's so damn problematic and she ain't even in the same state.

we're picking her up from college in LA on the 15th of this month and spending a few days there sorting her things and bringing her back here to where we live. and with everything that's happened this year i look forward to being with her again and living with her and at the same time it is the last thing i want because being alone is such a blessing in disguise.

yes i've missed her and bc of her different college schedule i don't see her in person often since she can't come home frequently but when she has come home she just fuckin uses our wifi and watches netflix and facetimes people she talks to on the phone everyday instead of "hang out with me" like she promises every time so you can understand how i feel let down. every time she's been like "yeah imma come home and we can hang" and there she goes sleeping in for half the day while i'm up waiting for her to want to do something UGH

anyway i'm looking so forward to going back to los angeles to pick her up though (i mean it's LA like hell yeah) but there is ONE huge reason why i want to avoid the whole trip all together and that is because of her boyfriend *throws up a lil bit*

i always wondered what it'd be like when my sister got a boyfriend. as the younger sister, i always wanted to have a great relationship with the guy too, y'know like meet him and he be real nice and maybe he'll think i'm cooler since i like gaming if he's into it and we get along just fine and dandy.

but with my sister, nothing is going to be that pleasant and dreamy.

this is her first boyfriend and relationship. and she's the type of person that constantly needs attention, and enjoys a male's attention a bit more than just attention from me or our parents.

i love her, regardless of all the fighting and everything, but i reFUSE to accept this relationship. i'm sorry. i've not met him in person yet but i've heard too fucking much.

my sister doesn't know my wattpad and i doubt she'll see this so here's the scoop.

when she first mentioned this guy to me she told me he was an RA, or residents assistant in the college, meaning he worked for the college as a dorm floor leader as well as being a student there, also meaning he was a senior, and she was a freshman. that at first didn't take lightly with me but i eventually got over the age difference thing because harry styles is 23 and i'm 16 y'all and that's all i have to say.