It goes from "babe" to "bitch".
"I Love You" to "I hate you".
"I need you" to "fuck you".
"You're my everything" to "you're nothing".
"he was just hurt, you know like me"
-chris schistad
After school i drove to the cemetery, to visit my mom. I walked out of the car and walked to her grave. I sat down next to her grave and I was quiet for about 10 minutes. "Mom today is exactly 5 months ago I tried to kill myself just like you, I could of handle anything back in cali dad didn't care about me, my boyfriend who I was together with for a whole year cheated on me with my stepsister, I just had enough I couldn't take it" and I didn't realize that I was crying my ass out by now. "And since that day I came out the hospital something's been wrong I can't seem to eat or when I try I just throw it all up at first I just though it was me myself who did to myself, but it's not" I then hear someone walk, I look around and see Chris. Wtf is he doing here? "Alison?" He asked. "Yeah it's me" I say and wipe my Tears with my sleeve. "What are you doing here?" " I, I am visiting my Mom" I say and looks at him, I stand up and ask "why are you here?" I say " I am visiting my little sister" he says and I feel guilt all over me and shame for being so mean and rude to him. " I am so sorry for yesterday, I just have a hard time trusting people" he looks down and then looks up again and smiles at me "it's okey but I am still here if you ever want to talk"
I look up at him and I feel how my heart is telling me to speak to someone, to not hold it in because i don't think I can hold it to myself for ever.
"I tried to kill myself five months ago" I say and he looks at me worried and the attack me with a hug. I feel safe for the first time in years. I then let some tears out. He let go of me and asks " how did you try to kill yourself and why?" I stabbed my self with a knife I my stomach in front of my dad, just like my mom did to me.
Chris POV She told me everything. About her dad not carrying about her, about her mom, about her ex-boyfriend and her stepsister. She has been through a lot and maybe that why she is always so cold and mean to not let people in, to not love anyone. Just like I did. I only slept with girls and played with them so I would not get feelings for them.
To not feel love.
"What happens to you I see in your eyes that you are hurt, just like myself" her words gives me chills it's like she could see right through me. "I was together with a girl for about 3 years, but she died in a car crash a year and half ago I think about Emily how she just left me. And I never wanted too feel that pain again. The pain when your in love and your love just leaves you"
"You're scared of love just like me" "And that's why you play around with girls you don't care about so you won't feel guilt for just leaving them"
She was right.
Friday 20:45
Alison's POV We where getting ready at my place. Me and Nora and Eva. The other girls said they would meet us there. Noora was going as log lady. And Eva was the black sawn. And I was a bloody bridal. I took a pic of my outfit and decided to post it on Instagram.
@alisonsmith: Sad bridal over here:(
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2.2k likes 13 comments
@yourgirlcarrie: No babe why are u sad miss u so much<333
@alisonsmith: Can we talk tomorrow miss u honey<333
@williammagnusson Gosh, you are so damn beautiful
@alisonsmith: William I know honey;)
@chrisschistad I am always here your u<3
@alisonsmith: same Christoffer same<3
@nooraaaa Babe your so hot in that costume;)
@alisonsmith: You are wayyyy more hotter with your red lipstick;))
@evamohn I think I just died:)
@Alisonsmith: u are so cute Eva I can't:))
@aronryan: I need you to come back to cali and give some pleasure;) I know you miss me
@alisonsmith Aron you are dead to me do not even try:/
@inyourdeepestfear Alison be careful who you trust and hangout with;)
