First Love (David & Liza)

Chapter 1: Intro

October 4th, 2015 / Sunday

I roll over on my back to grab the phone from the night stand beside my bed. The screen lights up, nearly blinding me and I squint my eyes in attempt too see the digits on it. It's almost 11:30 PM and I still can't fall asleep.

Maybe it's because I accidentaly took a nap in the afternoon in front of the TV. I absolutely love those naps, but they have the weird habit to mess with the rest of my daily routine. Or maybe the sudden lack of my beloved blissful slumber is caused from the simple fact that my senior year in high school starts tomorrow.

If I have to be completely honest that makes me even more nervous and stressed than I usually am. And I'm one very nervous and stressed human being. I roll over on my stomach again and close my eyes.

Like that's going to stop the hundreds of thoughts from running inside my head, bumping into each other and creating nothing but chaos.

You can say that my life is pretty boring for an eighteen year-old teenager. I'm definitely not like other kids my age, I don't fit in any social group there is in my school and if I have to be honest, I've never really tried to.

I have always been very shy, quiet, 95% of my attention mostly focused on studying and grades. I can't say that I enjoy it that much, I just don't want to disappoint my parents. But no one knows about that, so it means that all these "qualities" are automatically turning me into one of the biggest nerds in the school.

When I'm not studying, and that is on very rare occasions, I'm dancing with the school dance group. Actually, I'm not exactly in the dance group, more like at the back of the gym, far away from the other girls. I've always felt self-conscious about my body and I've struggled with building a decent self-esteem almost my whole life. But even hidden in the back, I still enjoy every second of it with all my heart.

My parents are very supportive and kind of open minded, if you can even call a parent "open minded", but in the same time their dream is to see me graduating from one of the top colleges in the country. My mom is the typical white american woman, who at the young age of 24, scandalized my grandparents with marrying a man from India - my dad.

And a few years later... Ta-da! Here I am. I got my smooth light brown chocolate skin and thick lips thanks to my dad and my cat-shaped hazel eyes and long wavy hair from my mom. All through my childhood my parents repeatedly said to me to not be ashamed of my looks, but as you can see, that hasn't helped me a lot.

I've always found it hard to socialize with other people and prefer to be by myself most of the time. I have to admit that's not something I'm proud of, but it's true. And a little sad.

Believe it or not, I do have a few friends, but the only person I fully trust and have the honor to call my best friend is Gabbie. She is the complete opposite of me - loud, fun, sometimes scary with her craziness, extremely outgoing and more popular than I could ever be.

She has this weird theory that if someone combines us together we will make the perfect girl. Unlike my friends or, if I have to be more accurate, every teen on the planet, I don't like going to parties. I don't smoke, I don't drink and... Yep, you've guessed it... I've never had a boyfriend. I can feel the anxiety building up inside me even as I think of that word.

I will make a correction... I have a VERY  boring life.

The only fun thing I have done so far is making videos for my YouTube channel once a week. I have a little over than 200, 000 subscribers, but that is already beyond my expectations. It just makes me happy when I make someone else happy.

I haven't told anybody about it yet, mainly because it's the only place I feel free enough to be myself and just let go for a moment. That and because I'm absolutely sure that everybody will make fun of me. When I think about it now, for a person with bad anxiety and terrible communication and social skills I'm sure taking a big leap with making videos for such a big audience.

I glance at the clock on my phone again and let another loud groan. It's 11:50 and I'm still far away from sleeping. Ugh! It's going to be a long night.