First Love (David & Liza)

Chapter 34, part 1

December 12th, 2015 / Saturday 

The definition of "guilt" by Wikipedia:

А cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realizes - accurately or not - that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation. It is closely related to the concept of remorse.

Mmm, no! That doesn't sound suitable at all. Next!

The psychological definition of "guilt":

Guilt and it's handmaiden, shame, can paralyze a person or catalyze his actions. Appropriate guilt can function as a social glue, spurring one to make reparations for wrong. Excessive rumination about one's failures, however, is a surefire recipe for resentment and depression. 

What the... I don't know what that is but surely it's not what I am looking for. Next! 

The definition of "guilt" by the Cambridge Dictionary:

A feeling of worry and unhappiness that you have because you have done something wrong, such as causing harm to another person or committed a crime.

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! That's exactly what was written all over David's adorable face today. Well, yesterday because now it's technically way past midnight. It's a funny small word, yet it's surely not even a bit funny how it has the ultimate power to easily destroy someone's perfect day. Or week. Or universe. But why? What was he guilty about? Why he hasn't called ot texted me since lunch? Or am I being a clingy, overdramatic girlfriend? Gosh, I hope not! I hate when girls act that way. It's repulsing and embarrassing to see how they stomp over their personality so they can just... I actually don't know what they're after, but I know it's the wrong move. However, there is a part of me that thinks the way I acted yesterday was a little harsh. Mainly because I literally ran off, not giving David the slightest chance to open his mouth. Ugh! Ok, now I have to admit that I overreacted, but in my defense he didn't do or say anything as well. He just stood there, watching me.

I stand up from my desk, closing the Physics textbook and crawl into the cold bed, letting a loud sigh. For the past half an hour I have red the same sentence over and over again, not being able to comprehend what it means exactly. Thank God I've already studied the material for Monday's test, but since David is still who knows where with the guys, the nerd in me is standing out for herself, making me realize that I have nothing better to do than bury my head in the books. I knew the decision to unnecessary study some more before going to sleep wasn't going to distract my thoughts from roaming back to today's situation, but that was the only thing that came into my mind. Even Gabbie's cheerful mood didn't help at all.

Ah, Gabbie! The girly afternoon/evening was a complete disaster and I'm fully aware that's entirely my fault. Ha! There is that word again - guilty. I feel guilty, because I didn't paid much attention to my best friend for the past few weeks. I feel guilty, because when we actually had half a day all to ourselves I still couldn't manage to give her the good time she's been longing and squeaking for all morning yesterday. I feel guilty for not being able to tell her what was the reason I was so sad and spaced out, mainly because even I didn't know it myself, despite the fact that I want and need to. I can feel it's eating me inside. A couple of times she tried to ask me, but failed miserably with every try due to my stone-cold glaring and pursed lips. Yup, like I said before, a complete disaster.

I glance at the clock above my bed. It's 1:35 AM and the sleep I so desperately need is still a mirage.I continue staring at the ceiling while the thoughts float through my brain for the hundredth time today. I miss him.I miss his warm embrace, the sound of his beating heart, the taste of his lips.I'm so used of being with him all the time that right now even sleeping alone in my own bed seems kind of weird and wrong. I know I sound like some abandoned heroine from a bad soupy, insipid romantic novel, but I can't help it. I feel incomplete, like a huge piece of me is missing and I can't even breathe without it. I need his presence, his touch. Him.

Clink!

My brows shoot up, landing in the middle of my forehead while my eyes move to the window. What was...?

Clink!

I snuggle under my bedcover even more as if it is going to protect me somehow.Is someone trying to break into the house through my bedroom window? This burglar must be extremely dumb for not checking the doors first, because I totally forgot to lock the front one.

Clink!

"Princess!"

Clink!

I didn't know that I could move that fast. In a blink of an eye I find myself standing by the window, my eyes desperately searching to find the only person who can be so old-fashionably romantic to ask for my attention in this exact way. My breath hitches when I spot his tall figure next to my mother's rose garden. The next thing I know is that I'm almost breaking my legs as I climb down the staircase and with what seems to be a gigantic leap I'm holding the doorknob, gasping for air. I know that all I have to do is open the darn door and...

"Princess!" David grunts as I literally throw myself at him, wrapping my limbs around his body as if he's a banana tree and I'm a hungry monkey. I bury my head in the crook of his neck and deeply inhale the familiar scent while my fingers are digging their way through his silky hair. The smell of cologne and cinnamon welcomes my senses and I feel like I can finally breathe again. "God, I've missed you." That's enough to melt my heart.

"You're late!" Clingy, I know. I unwrap myself from him, but his hands never loosen their grip. He kisses my forehead and I melt even more.

"Put a sweater on, we're going for a walk."

"But it's 2 o'clock in the morning and I'm tired." I say pouting my lips, but that doesn't seem to impress him.

"We don't have school tomorrow, so it doesn't matter. Now, go! I have something to tell you." He says with a serious face, which, I can't lie, already makes me terrified of the conversation we're about to have.

A few minutes later, I'm wearing his hoodie and we're slowly walking down the street, his arm resting around my waist and mine are resting in the warm front pocket of my now favourite piece of clothing. I'm well aware that the topic will be difficult and that right now he is searching for the proper words to begin with, but the silence is killing me. So, being the impatient me, I decide to break the tention with small talk.

"Did you have a good time with the boys?" I glance at him.

"Ummm, yeah." If he really had a good time then his face shows anything but that. He  takes a deep breath, his grip tightens around me like he's afraid he's going to lose me in the darkness.

"Look, just tell me what's going on because you don't know what weird scenarios are going through my mind from yesterday's afternoon till now. You haven't even call, David." My tone can't be more accusing, but I know I'm holding all the power to use it. And by the way David immediately stops, pulling me for a hug I can tell that my words are having the effect I wanted.

"I'm sorry I put you through all that torture, princess, but I needed time. You have to understand that I did it for us, for you. You weren't safe anymore and I had to do something about it. I had to protect you."

"David, what did you do?" I say emphasizing on every word, slowly pulling myself fro him so I can look in his eyes. My heart has crawled in a dark corner, scared of what's about to happen and honestly, I wish I can do the same. But I need to hear this, I need the answers.

"Liza, before I tell you everything, you have to understand that I'm talking about the past, that I left it way behind me a long time ago and I don't want to bring it back ever again. You are the only person I want and need. I love you and only you. Do you understand me, princess?" His voice is low and a little shaky, his eyes are begging me to reply. I manage to nod a little and he pulls me to his chest, sighing in relief. I guess it's going to be a long night.

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A / N

I'm so, so, SO sorry for not updating on time, but I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

That cliffhanger tho !

THANK YOU for the amazing comments an for over 19K reads !!!

See you on Saturday = )

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