First Love (David & Liza)

Chapter 47

May 26th, 2016 / Thursday

I advert my eyes from the boring textbook before me and look through the window, my mind everywhere else, but not in school. It's a sunny day, a few small fluffy clouds lazily float high in the azure sky. Just like them, my thoughts are flying away from the classroom, my imagination wildly pursuing a dream in another dimension. It's another realm where I feel free and happy, but most importantly, I'm not alone. A beautiful heavenly place where he's with me again, holding my hand. Our fingers are laced up together, his dark eyes are filled with passion as he leans closer to me, burying his face in my wavy hair. His soft lips are slightly grazing my ear, whispering secret desires. He's so close that if I...

The loud sound of the last school bell brings me back to the harsh reality, making me jump a little. Standing up from the desk, I quickly shove the textbooks in my backpack and hurriedly walk out of the classroom. I make my way through the crowds of students in the halls and towards my locker. The fact that I can't remember what my Biology teacher was talking about for the last 45 minutes, doesn't bother me at all. I know that I already aced this class.

David. David. David.

I can't get him out of my head and to be honest, I don't want to. He had opened a door that I didn't know existed and I don't know if I should close it or enter the room. He was so sweet yesterday, made me breakfast, drove me to school. He stayed the night at my house to make sure I'm alright after "the talk" we had the other day. He was kind and calm, complimented me, but in the same time he was somehow distant and careful with his words and actions. He was acting like I'm a fragile porcelain doll, like I was going to break into tiny pieces if he'd say something I don't like. I noticed the way he looked at me, his eyes lingering on my face, my hands, my body. He had that glow in his dark eyes and I knew he wanted to touch me, to hold me, to kiss me. Before, when we were together, he was always touching me in one way or another. If he wasn't holding my hand, his fingers played with a strand of my hair, he always sat close to me so our bodies could make contact. But yesterday he didn't do any of that and I didn't liked that feeling.

I know that if I didn't ran away from him that night five months ago, if I stayed and just talked to him, things would have been different. No, things would have been better. I know I've been a coward for choosing to not talk to him and I hate myself for doing that. I thought I was protecting myself but all I did was hide to avoid the problem. The months after that were a complete waste of time and unfortunately, I can't get it back. 

I'm still mad at him, there's no point in denying that. He said he didn't have a choice, that he was distant because he wanted to protect me. What does that even mean? Protect me from what? From who? Amber? I can handle her, I've learned my lesson. I may look weak, because of my height and shyness, but I'm stronger than before and all I want now is to fix things. I want to fight for what I've lost, for what was mine and I want it back again. All of it and even more. However, in order to do that, first I need to know all the facts. He said he wanted to talk, right?! So I just have to find him and he has to tell me everything. Everything I don't know! I have to face the music. 

The hinges of the metal door squeak when I open my locker to put the books, inside. I glance at the small mirror that I glued in the center of it when I was in eight grade.

"I can do this! I can do this! Yes, I can!" I murmur under my nose to motivate myself, looking at my tired reflection. And then I hear it. Its deep, mellow sounding echoing through the busy halls before finally reaching my ears. His laughter. With one fast move, I shut the locker letting my eyes search for him. I glance at every face that passes by me, but with no avail. He's not even near me, but I can sense his presence. I can feel how the determination and confidence are filling up my mind, my body. When he laughs again my feet automatically start walking, my eyes desperately seeking his face.