HIS DIARY √ soonhoon [editing]

30 - Diary Entry

Hello.

Kauuwi lang namin sa dorm. Iniuwi ako ni Seungcheol hyung. Hays. Alam nya na yung tungkol sa sakit ko, Diary. At ganun nalang ang reaksyon nya. Isa 'to sa mga iniiwasan kong mangyari. *sigh*

...

Nang magising ako ay sya ang namulatan ko. Nakahawak ang kamay nya sa kamay ko. Kitang-kita ko kung panong namamaga ang mga mata nya at napanuod kung panong muling tumulo ang mga luha nya.

"God Ji! How are you? Okay ka na ba? San masakit sayo?"

Hindi ko sya matignan ng maayos dahil nanggigilid na din ang mga luha ko.

"Jihoon?"

Bigla syang yumakap sakin habang nakahiga ako ngunit hindi ko nagawang yumakap pabalik dahil sa panghihina ko.

"Sabihin nyo sakin lahat, Jihoonie!"

"Please.. Please.."

"B-Bakit di 'ko alam 'to? Jihoon, binilin ka sakin nila Tita eh!"

"W-why do people I care for have to die?! W-why do I have to lose everyone I love?! Why do I h-have to see everyone I care for leave me here to die, when I-I stayed by their side?! .." muling tumulo ang mga luhang hindi kailanma'y mauubos pa.

"..Ji, ikaw nalang ang meron ako. Ikaw ang nag-iisang bestfriend at kapatid ko. Di ko na alam ang mangyayari sakin, Jihoon. I'm always here. Wag mo naman akong iiwan." pagmamakaawa nya.

Pilit ko syang tinignan at nginitian sakabila ng mga luhang patuloy sa paglabas. "I don't know where to start hyung.. But I already reached my limit. Maybe it's hard to believe, but my sickness was only a matter of time"

Lalo pa syang humagulgol sa pag-iyak.

"Ji, please. Y-your joke isn't funny. Haha. Kinasabwat mo pa yu—"

"How I wish that this was only a joke, hyung?"

/AaaaHh nagrerevise ako at sobrang cringey na talaga helP!!—122218/

"Sorry! I'm Sorry! F-Fight for us, fight for Chan, fight for Soonyoung.. I know you still love him! Please Jihoon.."

"Hyung, I love him and these feelings I have for him always remain. Hindi yun nawala o mawawala. Hyung, It's all him that I am living for."

"S-stay strong, Jihoonie! He loves you too!"

"I know I'm not as strong as I should be. But there is something that makes me want to stand up and fight. It's my feelings for him, hyung. I know I'm not done yet. I don't want to stop here.."

Bumuntong hininga muna ako at tinitigan sya sa mata "..but I'm physically and emotionally tired, hyung. I'm sorry."

"No! Don't say that. Things will get better. Jihoon, don't leave us again. Don't leave me behind"

"Tsk. Di ko naman kayo iiwan e. Alam kong nandyan ako sa puso nyo diba? Haha"

"T-Tangina mo. Wag kang ganyan!"

"Kidding. Yes, I have to be strong not for me but for everyone else. Don't worry, hyung"

"G-Good! So kelan ka magpapagamot?"

"..."

"Ji?"

"Do you really understand?"

"..."

"May taning na ang buhay ko. Wala nang cure. Wala. All we have to do is to wait for me to die."

"M-Meron Ji! Meron! Hahanap tayo!"

"Kung hanggang dito nalang ako, just let it be. Instead, promise me something"

"Anything"

"Keep this a secret"

"But Ji—"

"Ah talaga? Thank you! Kaya mahal kita e! Yiee!"

"No! I mean—"

"Got it hyung. Salamat talaga!"

"But why?"

"..."

"Tell me"

"..."

"Jihoonie.."

"He's too precious hyung. I don't want to see him cry. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that his glance will not be followed by acceptance. Please hyung, be with me. Let's play my game. A desperate pretending game."

"But Jihoon, I can't!"

"Please, hyung? Di ko sya kayang makitang umiiyak!"

"..."

"Shh! Don't cry! Ang tanda tanda mo na hyung e! Tsk!"

"I-I wish I could take some of your misery and share part of your deep wrenching pain.."

"..."

"I wish that God somehow reject you in Heaven. So you don't need to go away"

"We're still fortunate, hyung. He gave us a warning for me to spend it wisely. Because if not? It's a sudden horror then. He just reminded us that nothing is permanent. Not even the ones we love. One by one, we will lose those we love the most into the dark ravine. So, we must cherish them without reservation. Now. Today. Any minute. We will lose them or they will lose us someday. That's what I learned, hyung"

"I love you, J-jihoonie"

"I love you too, hyung. Uwi na tayo?"

...

-Hoonie
Day73/Wednesday