Catching Up || Barry Allen [2]

25| Holiday's Gone Wrong*

***

I walked into the Cortex where everyone was already gathered deep in discussion. "Hey guys." I greeted slowly noticing the frustrated looks on all their faces "What is it now?"

"Nothing except Captain Cold, Weather Wizard and the Trickster all escaped Iron Height's this morning." Cisco replied sarcastically as he pulled out pictures of the three of them.

"So we have to figure out a plan to put them back in Iron Heights before they hurt anyone." Barry continued.

"As much fun as trying to catch three of your nemesis is...I think I'm going to go." I said slowly and although I felt guilt about leaving right now I also promised Felicity that I would go to this party.

"Wait. What are you talking about?" Barry asked as everyone except Caitlin looked att me accusingly.

"I'm going to spend Christmas in Star City with Team Arrow."

"Oh hell no!" Cisco exclaimed as he sat up. "You didn't spend Christmas with us last year."

"I know, but I promised Felicity that I would go to the holiday party that she is setting up." I argued as Cisco looked at me with pleading eyes. "And this is important to Oliver, and his mayoral campaign."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Barry continued to ask, but the truth was I completely forgot to.

"I'm telling you now." I replied slowly knowing that it wasn't going to make the situation any better.

"She told me." Caitlin added happily.

"Nope that's unfair. I object." Cisco began to ramble in utter annoyance. "Your spending Christmas with us. You've spent other Christmases with them."

"And I spend the whole year with you guys." I countered, before I noticed the both Cisco and Barry were staring at me with a pout. "You have got to be kidding me." I mumbled in annoyance. "Fine. How about this...I spend a couple of hours at the holiday party and come back to spend the rest of the night with you guys?"

"I mean I guess it's better than nothing." Cisco muttered as he stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest.

"I have to agree with Cisco." Barry added.

"You two are impossible. I'll see you tonight." I told them before leaving the Cortex.

***

Walking through the empty graveyard heading down the path that I knew all to well but never took enough. Stopping at the headstone that looked like the rest but meant so much more to me. Slowly getting on my knees as I put the flowers down. "Merry Christmas." I said softly as I pursed my lips together not really knowing what to say. "I know it's been a long time since I've come to visit...but even after all these years it hasn't gotten any easier. I just need you to know that I still think about you everyday."

I sighed as I looked down at my hands there were so many things that were going through my head, and every time I stepped foot in this cemetery the guilt that I always carried with me becomes stronger.

"Everything in my life seems to be falling apart right now and I really don't know what to do. With my mother being back, and finding out I have a sister that I never knew existed." I muttered softly as I tried to hold back the tears. "I miss you Danny. Everything was so simple when you were here, ever since you left I haven't been able to get a grip on my life anymore. With you everything was normal. And that used to be everything I ever wanted. Normal. But I gave it all up when I accepted Oliver's offer to help him with his crusade. I was selfish, thinking that becoming a hero would help me rewrite my wrongs. And that's when I realized that I didn't want normal. And in the process of trying to find myself...I lost you."