Catching Up || Barry Allen [2]

47| Requiem

***

After the phone call with Oliver I couldn't help but break down. I couldn't remember the last time I cried. But I felt that should have been something that I should be used to by now. The feeling of losing someone that you love and care about. Now I realized that with every person we lost that pain only became stronger and so did the fear. The fear of wondering who would be next.

A couple days had already passed since that phone call and although I cried that night I started building up my walls again. These last few days had become extremely rough from Barry struggling to go through the day without his powers to me still in my state of grief.

But as I watched the news, hearing the latest story about how the Black Canary had apparently gone rogue angered me. Knowing that it wasn't really the Black Canary, that Laurel was gone and that was only someone impersonating her. Tarnishing her image, making the Black Canary seem like a criminal. I knew that Oliver and the team were already on the case making sure that whoever this is stop. But that doesn't change what was already done.

The T.V screen suddenly went black and I turned around to find Barry holding the remote. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." I replied as I turned back toward the black screen. A part of me wanted Barry to just let it go and not push it any farther, but Barry knew me a lot better then that.  And I also knew that Barry wouldn't just let the subject drop. That why when he was kneeling in front of me a few moments later I wan't surprised.

"Your fine? You have to try a little harder than that." Barry stated as he took my hands in his. "You don't have to keep trying to be strong right now. I'm right here." I didn't know what to say or where to begin. Because there was just so much to say. "Talk to me."

Looking up I finally met his eyes. They were filled with worry, probably because he had never really seen me this way before. "Losing Laurel it made me realize that any one of us could be next. Of course we know that we're putting our lives on the line to save our cities, but when will our luck run out?" I said, finally saying what I had been holding in for a long time now. It was possible that I was over reacting that I was thinking to far into it. But the future was uncertain and there was nothing that we could do to prevent anymore tragedies from happening. "Zoom has Caitlin and we don't know what's going to happen to her. We still have Zoom to take care of and Oliver has Damien Darhk. Makes you wonder which one of us won't make it out at the end."

Barry reached over and puled me into his arms, and although it was comforting to know that he was here even he couldn't stop the unsettling feeling that I felt. Regardless I rested my head on his shoulder taking the moment in. "That's not going to happen it won't. We'll get Caitlin back, take care of Zoom. We'll all make it out in the end." 

I always knew I had a fear of death. Except it wasn't my own death that I was afraid of. Growing up I was surrounded by so much death, that when I escaped Nanda Parbat I wanted nothing more than to stay aways from it. Now, with what I do there is no escaping it. Barry knew that too, having had to deal with death at a young age too.

"I love you." I told him softly as I tried to collect myself again. Although there were many things that were uncertain right now, but one thing I knew was that Barry would be at my side. And if there was one thing Barry Allen was good at was pushing forward and remaining hopeful. And that hope was something that we all seemed to need at the moment. 

***

We were all standing around the Laurels casket as the priest continued to preach. I had never been a religious person, but I understood why some people where devoted to their own God. Because in moments like this you always hope this really isn't the end for one of your loved ones.