Torn Between Two

Chapter 51: Wrestling and Weddings

"Hey girl." Brie said as they the Divas crowded around me as I entered catering.
"Hey." I said grabbing a water bottle.
"What did you do this week?" Nikki asked.
"I got engaged to Jay." I said.
"No way. Oh my gosh Miranda your getting married, that's so big." Nikki said.
"I know but I love him and I'm ready to take that step." I said.
"When are you guys doing you engagement photos." Brie asked.
"Next week. We set the date to get them done and out to our friends and his family." I said.
"Have you meet his family?" JoJo asked.
"No I haven't another thing to do, but I have to set a date for that. I also have to move out of Jon's next week." I said.
"That's right you still live with Jon huh?" Nattie said.
"Yep. I have to go talk to him about it ,which I'm going to do right now. Talk to you later." I said walking to The Shield's locker room. I heard voice and my name so I hide behind the corner.
"Jon you can't be like this one TV Vince would kill us. I understand your heart hurts but you can't cry in front of a million people." Colby said.
"I know I can't cry on national television, but it's really hard not to. I know it would make us look weak, but she did make me weak Colby shes marrying Jay! I lost ,I'm never getting her back, I just want to die and sometimes I really consider it. She makes me go crazy, I tried. I really tried. I want her so bad but I can't have her! WHY?! WHY ME?!" Jon said starting to cry.
"Jon calm down your only making yourself more upset. It is going to be okay. Don't worry." Joe said.
I walked into and empty locker room and closed the door. I had to process what I just heard. He really tried, but I only pushed anyway. He wanted me but I didn't let him explain or talk before I feel into someone else's arms.
I found myself a good man, but I left my first good man behind alone and broken. I left him like I never wanted to be left. I broke him and I didn't even know it. I thought he didn't love me just my body, but Jon truly loves me, and I still love him always have, always will but I'm with Jay and this is
my life now. I messed up and I effected Jon and I messed up him myself. I thought it was him that messed him up. I'm so horrible. I heard a knock and the door opened. It was Jon, his face was tear stained.
"Jon..." I said as he looked at my face. His face full of regret.
"I see you found my only place without you." Jon said going in the corner and sitting down.
"But I guess you know I can't ever get anyway anymore." He said.
"Jon how long have you been like this?" I asked walking over to him and siting on the ground in front of him.
"Since the day you started hanging out with Jay more than me."
"Jon, you can't drown yourself in sorrow. Why don't you find another girl?"
"Because there is no another girl like you."
"Jon I'm sorry I didn't realize you have been like this or I would have said something." I said.
"I don't want you to know I was like this. I wanted to look strong and aggressive towards you because I didn't think you like the nice Jon."
"Jon I loved the nice Jon. I just didn't realize how hard you truly loved me."
"I still love you like that, my heart aches every time you hold his hand, or say his name, or kiss him in front of me."
"I'm sorry Jon, but I really do love Jay and I still plan on getting married to him. He makes me feel good, just like you did. He restored some of my feelings that I use to feel with you."
"I could still make you feel those." Jon said looking me in the eyes. I looked back at him in his eyes, he leaned in his lips almost touching mine.
"I'm moving out of our house." I said and he grabbed my face and kissed me. I pounded on his chest trying to get him to stop, but he wouldn't, so I let in. I kissed back as he held me tight. I let a tear drop as he kissed me. The truth was I missed this. I missed having him hold me, he knew me better than Jay, but I loved Jay. I love Jay more than anything, but Jon had something Jay didn't. I don't know what. Jon pulled back, his eyes still closed.
"That was perfect." He said opening his eyes. He wiped the tears of my face that fell.
"Jon...."
"You missed that." Jon smiled realizing he hadn't lost the fight.
"I did, but I can't be yours."
"Yes you can."
"No I can't I'm getting married."
"Get married to Jay and we can still be together."
"No we can't when I say I do to him in front of the lord and everyone Jon, that means I'm his and he is mine. The I's are now we's, we share are selves with only each other." I said getting off the ground. He got up to.
"Why couldn't you have married me." He said looking at the ground, a tear fell from his face.
"Jon I have to go." I said.
"No please stay."
"I have to go to Jay."
"I hate you." Jon said looking at me.
"What?"
"I hate you. You want to hurt me don't you! WHY IN THE HE** DO YOU WANT TO HURT ME. STAY WITH ME, HOLD ME AGAIN, TELL ME IT IS GOING TO BE OKAY! I NEED YOU MORE THAN EVER MIRANDA AND YOUR PUSHING ME AWAY!"
"Why do you need me so much?!" I said.
"Because you made me feel safe... No not safe..... Loved. I don't have anyone to love me anymore. I just want some love that's all I ever want, I just need love. My mom didn't give it to me, no girl except you gave me love. I have no family anymore, you were my family."
"I have to go. Goodbye Jon." I said.
"You'll be back right?"
"To move."
"At least I can really say goodbye. Hey Miranda?"
"Yes?"
"Can I be the one who gives you to Jay at your wedding since you don't have a dad to do it."
"Why?"
"Because I think that would be a good way to say goodbye to you. Giving you to your husband."
"Okay Jon you can." I said.