Call it Fate, Call it Karma

Drunk & High

"You feel so real." I said to Julian as I traced my fingers all over his face. He leaned into my touch with his eyes closed.

"I am real." he said, pulling my hands away so I'd focus on what he was saying. "Or at least...I think I am. What if I'm just something your brain has made up? What if you're something my brain has made up?"

I pulled away from his grip quite fearfully. "Don't say that!"

Julian started laughing uncontrollably as he traced the patterns in the carpet that seemed to be moving. I watched him attentively for a while until I started to feel a little nauseous.

"I'm gonna call the guys over." I said, bringing myself to my feet. "We have about seven tabs left."

"Man...are you sure Adam won't want those back?"

I pushed my index finger to my lips with a smirk. "Sshhh!" I picked up the phone and slowly dialled up their number. It took me a while because the numbers looked like they were about to fly off their buttons.

"Hello?" Fab answered.

"Come over! Come over! All of you!" I cheered. "We've got acid! Bring booze! Rejoice!" I hung up the phone before he got a chance to answer and I pranced back over to Julian, falling onto the floor beside him.

"This is fun." I breathed out as I lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling.

A Pink Floyd album played softly in the background as we lay beside each other, our fingers intertwined.

"I think I love you." Julian said quite nonchalantly. "...again."

"Ha!" I giggled. "That'd be the day."

"No, really." He sat up, leaning over me as he held my face in his hands.

Once realisation had set in, I pulled away from him. "Julian, you can't...we can't."

"You feel the same?" His eyes lit up a little as he spoke.

"Jules, stop."

"Why?"

"Because we aren't good for each other." I explained forlornly. "I just got better, Jules. I'm happy. I can't fuck that up again, and nor can you."

Julian said nothing and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Jules." I said. "Maybe in a few years when we're older and more mature...when we have our shit together, y'know? It's kind of a mess at the moment."

"We're older than before, though." he protested, inching closer to me. "Kiss me? Please...I'm older!" he continued to plead. The look in his eyes killed me. He was craving touch. My touch. And I couldn't give it to him.

I pulled away once more. "I can't, Julian. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." he said with a small smile appearing on his face. "You're right. Just forget I said anything." He stood up, pulling me up with him. "Let's dance, baby!"

Julian's sudden mood change weirded me out quite a bit, but I decided to ignore it, figuring it was because we were both tripping. I'm surprised we managed to have a somewhat normal conversation being in the state that we were in. I also felt so bad for rejecting him, but what else could I do? If we started dating, something bad would happen again and I don't wanna know if the outcome would be worse than before. It was best we just stayed friends.