Call it Fate, Call it Karma

Jealous

When I woke up the next morning, I wasn't expecting to see Albert staring at me with an unimpressed expression.

"Whaaaaat?" I groaned, closing my eyes again.

"Gonna tell me about what happened last night?"

I rolled my eyes, figuring I should play it off like nothing happened. "What happened last night?"

"Don't." Albert replied sternly.

My breath hitched. "Where's Julian?"

"I think he went out-wait! Don't think you can distract me. What's the deal, Jade?"

I bit down hard on my bottom lip and turned away. "You'll get mad."

"I won't. Just tell me."

"Promise?"

"You know I can't do that."

I sighed, rolling my eyes again as I turned back around. "What the fuck is the deal with Julian? Like, he dedicates a song to me or whatever, and then I see him letting some filthy chick dry-hump him?! What the fuck?! What's he trying to say? He likes me, but he's gonna let some groupie shove her tits in his face?"

"Jade..." Albert squeezed his eyes shut with a hand covering his mouth. "Please don't tell me you love him again."

"I...I don't!" I yelped. "I just wanna know why he's doing this."

"Are you sure you don't? 'Cos you seem a little...I dunno...jealous?"

"I'm not!" I retorted, pulling the covers over my head to hide. "I just think it's fucked up." I mumbled.

Albert fell onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. "You love him. I fucking knew it."

"So what if I do? And I'm not saying I do..." I muttered into the sheets. I swear I could feel my eyes start to water, but I convinced myself I was allergic to something in Albert's room. "It's not like I'd do anything about it. I know all too well what would happen."

Albert sighed heavily. "Fuck..."

"Albert, I don't love him!" I shouted as I poked my head out from under the covers, feeling quite angry. "I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! I hate what he's doing to me! He thinks he loves me, but he doesn't! He's toying with me! It's fucking me up and I don't know what to do! Bottling it all up isn't doing shit! Sometimes...sometimes I think I miiiight have feelings for him again, but then he does something that makes me not so sure! What the fuck am I supposed to do? I'm lost."

Albert leaned forward to wipe away the tears I didn't know were spilling onto my cheeks and he looked into my eyes forlornly. I started to sob, hating myself for being so weak.

"Sssh," Albert pulled me into him and patted my back. "...it's okay."

"It's not!" I cried. "I don't know what I want! I say I don't love him, but why do I get so angry when I see him with someone else? Why do I like watching him sleep? Why do I feel so safe when he's close to me? Why do I feel like I can see the world in his eyes?" Albert hugged me tighter as I continued my hopeless rambling. "Even if I truly did love him, we can't be together...because we'd only get each other killed or something...as dramatic as that sounds." I stopped to take a breath and hugged Albert back. "I just wish we could be friends like we were back in school -- no exact feelings for each other."

"I hate to see you like this." said Albert, his voice almost breaking. "I really wish I could help, and it fucking hurts that I can't do much, but I really don't know what to do other than to tell you to be brave. You've gotta be strong and just hope you get over him. I know I sound like an asshole for not telling you to go off and be with him...I just don't wanna see you get hurt again. You were so messed up and it'd hurt me so much to see you like that again."

"I'm sorry." I sniffled, pulling away. "I'm being such a baby. You're right. I've gotta forget about it and just get on with my life. I've gotta stop being weak."

"You're not weak." he said. "You're one of the strongest people I know."

"Look at me," I laughed. "I'm crying over something I'm not even sure about."

"I'm sure it felt good to get it out though?"

I paused for a second and nodded to myself, a genuine smile appearing on my face. "You're right. I feel great!"

"That's good!" Albert grinned.

"Don't tell anyone about my breakdown, okay?" I sighed.

"You know I wouldn't." Albert chuckled. "Let's forget about all this and go grab a bite to eat, yeah?"

"I love you." I hugged him once more, before we ran into the kitchen in search for something to eat.

"Where do you think Julian is?" I asked, after swallowing a bite of cereal.

"I'm not sure." replied Albert.

I put down my bowl and frowned.

"Don't think about him too much." Albert said. "It won't help."

"What am I supposed to think about then?"

"Umm..." Albert looked around the room, jumping up when he caught sight of our record player. He knelt down beside our stack of records and started to flick through them. "Ramones, Beatles, The Stones, Sex Pistols, Lou Reed, Bob Marley, Nirvana, Zeppelin, Grateful Dead...?"

"Just throw on OK Computer." I said with a roll of my eyes. "Ooh! Or something by The Cure!"

"Are you sure? I think we should put on something a little more...upbeat?"

"Okay, uhhh...throw on that one Violent Femmes album I like."

Albert flicked through the collection once more, pulling out a record and holding it up so I could see it. "Self titled?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

Albert nodded and put the record on. We then shared a cigarette and watched the TV on mute for a while as we listened to the music.

It wasn't long before Julian walked in the front door with a smile. He spotted us on the couch and danced over to us, humming along to whatever was playing at the time. I decided not to speak and let Albert say something first.

"Where were you?"

"Guess who can help pay rent now!" Julian said with a huge grin.

"You got a job?" 

"I'm a bartender now." he replied. "Just went for an interview and a bit of training and they liked me!"

"Nick mentioned something like this to me a while ago," I said with a sour expression. "...why didn't you tell us?"

Julian's smile faded to a frown. "I wanted to surprise you...but you don't seem very happy about it."

"Sorry, Jules," I sighed. "...I had a rough morning. I'm proud of you!"

"Oh...what happened?" Julian asked, looking a little concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Let's get the guys to bring some booze over and you can mix us up a couple cocktails." Albert suggested, thankfully changing the subject. "It'd be great practice!"

"That's actually a good idea." I nodded eagerly. "Sound good, Jules?"

Julian shrugged and sat next to me. "I guess."

A/N: The song for this chapter fits quite perfectly! Just felt the need to say that ha! xx more hard times for Jade though :(