Call it Fate, Call it Karma

Benefits

I took a deep breath, before slowly turning the door handle and walking inside. Julian was asleep on my bed, the empty bottle of vodka in his hands as he gently snored. I smiled to myself like an idiot as I closed the door and climbed in beside him. I carefully removed the bottle from his grip and placed it on my nightstand beside an empty beer can that he had probably consumed too, then laying on my side to face him. I poked his cheek a few times to make sure he was definitely asleep, and when he didn't flinch, I nodded to myself. "You don't have to be embarrassed, Jules." I whispered. "It was actually kinda flattering." I pulled the blanket over him, anxiously chewing my bottom lip, then turning off the lamp. "...and I think I'm kinda h-" I stopped myself, squeezing my eyes shut with a frown as I wrapped my arms around him. What the fuck was I doing?

"You're beautiful, you know that?" Julian's soft, but slurred voice made me freeze up, then realise what I was doing and try to pull away. "No, don't." He pulled me back in.

I was suddenly so embarrassed by what I'd admitted that I started pathetically crying. "Did you...did you hear what I said?" I quietly sobbed into his chest.

He kissed my forehead. "Yes. Please don't cry."

"What now?" I sniffled.

"How about," he took a deep breath. "...we be friends, just like now...but with certain...benefits?"

I laughed, wiping away my tears. "You know that can't happen."

"Why?"

"Because it'll only end up meaning something." I sighed.

"But-"

"You're drunk, Jules. Go to sleep." I sighed, another tear escaping from my eye. "When you wake up you'll forget any of this ever happened."

"You wanna fuck me." he said, snaking an arm around my waist. "Admit it."

I pulled away from him and turned over, my back now facing him. "Go the fuck to sleep."

"I'm not gonna forget this."

"Please. I shouldn't have said anything. Just forget about it, okay? I'm such an idiot."

"You want me, and I want you. What's so bad about that?"

"You always say shit like this when you're drunk. Just fuck off, okay?!" I sat up with my back to him. "Go find some other girl to fuck with." I hissed, then standing up to walk to the door.

"Please, don't go."

"I can't be near you right now."

"Why? Because you're afraid of the truth?"

I stopped my my hand on the doorknob. "What's the truth?"

"You love me."

"Get fucked." I walked out and slammed the door behind me. Softly crying to myself, I wandered into Albert's room and climbed into bed beside him.

I cried myself to sleep and woke up the next morning feeling pathetic. Albert was just waking up beside me. He raised an eyebrow at the sight of me.

"Hey." I greeted him.

"Something happen?"

"No."

"Tell me what happened."

"Julian-"

"Jade!" he cut me off with a scowl. "I thought we talked about this! You can't let him get to you!"

I looked away and sighed. "I think I really do love him."

Albert rubbed his temples frustratingly. "What the fuck happened?"

"He walked in on me in the bathroom last night," I started, my stomach filling with butterflies at the memory. "I think he wants me."

"Just because he walked into the bathroom doesn't mean he 'wants' you...?"

"I was naked."

"Oh, fuck."

"And he had a boner."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Albert groaned and fell onto his back, staring blankly at the ceiling. "So...you love him. Is that correct?"

I shrugged. "I think so."

"Maybe...maybe you just want sex. Like, it's probably just lust...not love." Albert sat up and turned to me. "When was the last time you got laid?"

"Well...Ryan-"

"Say no more." he sighed. "We've gotta get you laid."

I frowned, feeling a little embarrassed at the topic of conversation. "Um, I don't think that's necessary."

"If it'll get your mind off Julian, then it is very necessary." Albert picked up his phone. "Now...who do we know that'd be game for a hookup. Hmm...how about Adam? He's a cutie!"

"Albert, don't you dare!" I screeched, trying to grab the phone off him. "I'll find someone myself. Please don't!" I desperately pleaded.

"Okay, fine." he put his phone away. "I'll find a chick for Jules, you find a dude for yourself."

"A chick," I froze, swallowing the lump in my throat. "...f-for Jules?"

"Yeah, he's gotta get laid too." he said. "I have an idea!"

I stared at him with a frown.

"We're going clubbing tonight!"

"Ha! No the fuck we aren't."

"Yes, we are. Go find your fake I.D."

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" I yelped. "I am fine!"

"I heard you crying last night." he put a finger at me knowingly. "We're getting you a hookup."

"Albert, you hate shit like this, man. I know you do!"

"And I hate to see you all depressed over Julian. So shut up and pick out a dress."

"No." I crossed my arms. "I don't wanna have sex with someone I barely know right now, and the fact that you're encouraging that is weirding me out."

"What's gonna take your mind off him then?"

"Nothing will! He lives with us! I see him every day!" I said as I jumped up. "You know what? Maybe we can be together. I just won't let myself get too attached. I'm stronger than before."

"Jade..."

"He asked if we could be friends with benefits. That could work! Just sex...no strings attached."

"You know what that'll lead to..."

"It won't lead to anything. I won't let it!" I protested. "But...if something were to happen...if it all goes to shit, then so be it! I'm not gonna mope around like before. I was young and dumb and he was my first love."

Albert shook his head. "You're crazy."

"I know." I sighed, falling back onto the bed. "But you only live once, right? And life is short."

"Say one more cheesy quote and I'm outta here."

"Life sucks and then you die!" I giggled.

"Goodbye." Albert waved and left the room with a smile.

"Hey, get back here!"