You Are My Sunshine (Jakesy)

I Can't

Saturday

I heard a soft whimper and sighed, knowing what was about to follow.

'Please just go back to sleep, please don't cry'

I put my head in my hands as the cry got louder.

'Stop, please stop. I can't do this anymore'

A few minutes later I found the energy to get out of bed and walked into Lillian's nursery. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes but I didn't feel any love, just an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.

"What's wrong?" I sighed and picked her up; I rocked her then tried to feed her but she just kept screaming. "I don't know what you want Lilly" I started sobbing and placed her back in her bassinet, "I'm sorry".

She wouldn't stop screaming and crying so I covered my ears and shook my head. I ran outside then fell to my knees and sobbed.

'You're hopeless. She deserves better. You're not good enough. You can't do this. You're a failure. You're a horrible mother, you don't even know how to make her stop crying'

I got my phone out and called #3 on my speed dial.

"Hey babe" her bubbly, cheerful tone change suddenly when she heard me crying, "Jess, what's wrong?"

I sobbed into the phone, "Perrie, I can't do it"

"Can't do what babe?" her tone was now soft and comforting.

"Sh-She won't stop crying" I wiped my eyes and felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Okay babe, is Jake home?"

"No, he had to go into the studio with the boys" I laid down on the grass and curled up in the foetal position.

"Okay, I'm coming over now" I heard her start the car.

"I just left her in the nursery" I shook my head and sobbed, "What kind of mam does that"

"She'll be okay Jess, I'm just around the corner" she reassured me but I just cried quietly.

A couple of minutes later I heard her pull up then saw her come through the front door. She saw me laying on the grass and came outside, "What are you doing out here babe?"

She sat down next to me and I hugged her tight, "I can't do it, I'm not good enough Perrie"

She rubbed my back, "Let's go inside and I'll help"

I nodded and she helped me up but as soon as we went inside I could hear Lillian crying and felt unbelievably guilty.

Perrie sat me on the sofa, "I'll go get her, just wait here"

I nodded and watched her jog upstairs. A minute later she brought Lilly downstairs, who was still crying. Perrie came over and sat down beside me and held Lilly out towards me.

I welled up again and shook my head, "I can't do it".

"Jess, just hold her. She wants her mama" she said with a loving but firm tone.

I nodded slowly and took my crying daughter from Perrie then started rocking her in my arms. Lilly continued to cry and I felt myself about to breakdown again.

I could feel Perrie start rubbing my back, "Babe, you need to relax. She can sense that you're anxious and overwhelmed"

I looked down into Lillian's dark caramel eyes and stroked her cheek, "Don't cry baby girl, Mama's here now". I felt myself starting to relax and kissed her head, "Shhh, everything's going to be alright".

She slowly started to settle and nuzzled against my breast so I pulled my singlet down and started to feed her. When she started feeding I smiled for what felt like the first time in days.

"Is that better sweetheart?" she looked up at me and gripped onto my finger.

"See? You can do it" I jumped a little when I heard Perrie's voice as I had been in such a trance I'd forgotten she was there.

I nodded then heard the front door open and Jakes voice fill the house, "Where's my two precious girls".

He walked into the lounge and stopped when he saw Perrie's arm around me and looked into my red eyes.

"Baby what's wrong?" He came and sat on the other side of me and brushed my hair back off my face.

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes, "I'm not a good mam, I can't look after her"

He shook his head, "You're an amazing mam babe"

I sighed and looked down at Lillian whose eyes were starting to close as she fed. "I'm going to put her down for a nap" I got up and headed upstairs.

Jake's P.O.V

I watched Jesy take Lilly upstairs and turned to Perrie, "I think somethings wrong"

She looked a little confused, "What do you mean?"

"These past couple of weeks she's been acting differently, she's not eating or sleeping, her moods are all over the place and the only time she gets out of bed is when Lilly cries" I sighed, "I know having a newborn is difficult and tiring but this isn't normal"

She nodded, "Do you think she could have post-natal depression?"

I looked down, "Yeah that's a possibility" I rubbed my face and sighed, "How do I help her?"

She rubbed my back, "I'd talk to her about it, maybe book an appointment with the doctor or a therapist"

I nodded, "I hate seeing her like this"

"I know but she'll get through this" she hugged me, "she's the strongest person I know"

I smiled softly and nodded, "she is, isn't she"

I heard Jess coming downstairs and Perrie stood up, "I'm gonna head off babe"

Jess nodded and hugged her, "I'm sorry for bothering you"

Perrie took Jess's hand and looked at her, "You didn't bother me, I'm always here when you need me"

She nodded and they hugged again. Perrie left and Jess came to sit with me on the sofa.

I put my arm around her and kissed her temple, "Baby I want to talk to you about something"

A/N: Like it? Please let me know what you want to see next! I'm having trouble deciding where I want it to go :/