My Jan Valentine

Suicide

A bridge. A bridge with rocks and deep water at the bottom. A bridge I could jump off of.

I'm dreaming, I'm at a bridge about to jump. There's a man standing just inches to me. It's seems as though he's trying to calm me down. Why am I here anyways? "Architect girl, it's me Alucard. I'm in your dreams again telling you not to kill yourself if I kill the metal face you love so much." The one known as Alucard exclaims. So that's what this dream is about, me loosing Jan. "You can't take him from me!" I say, my voice wavering. "You know what just jump who cares if you die. Certainly not me." He says with a mocking voice. It makes me upset. "Then fight me! Or kill me! Do whatever you want!" I scream out to Alucard's voice. In an instant I am in an entirely different place. This place is just out side of where I found Jan's piercings. The old helsing manors front yard. Alucard is standing in front of me, his eyes glowing red. My heart is pounding I'm sure this man knows it too. "Your scared architect girl." At his words I start to see my vision blur, I am scared. I see Alucard face to face in a dream, heck ya I'm scared. I look down and see there is a giant tooth looking steak in my hands. "You have to try and kill me with that, but here's the catch. If I kill you in this dream, you die in real life. But if you kill me in this dream... I'll let you live." He says with a loud laugh. "That's not fair!" I yell but it seems as though he doesn't care what I think cause he's walking towards me. I brace myself into a fighting stance but suddenly I am embraced from behind. I let out a squeak and I begin to hyperventilate. Tears uncontrollably flow out my eyes. "Shhhh... I'll make it quick don't worry." He laughs, takes hold of my chin, tilts my head to the side and then bites down hard on my neck. I gasp in pain. I can hear him drinking my blood. There's only one thing I can do to save Jan.
I take the tooth and I shove it threw my chest and into Alucard's chest. I see blood spill out all over my shirt. Alucard falls to the floor, I hear him whisper. "Next time..." and then it goes black. I end up in a different setting. This time I'm in some cellar, Alucard is sitting right in the middle of it all. "Come over here. Have a seat." I being to walk towards him when suddenly I'm already sitting beside him. "What you did just a second ago to kill me, was heedless. You would die to save a man that's died many? Your pathetic but brave and clever at the same time. Now... let's get serious. I don't understand, how you managed to actually get that wanker on a leash is beyond me baby! Beyond me! But see a woman like you peaks my interests... like I adulate you for real! That's why I would care if you killed yourself because I need a smart, brave woman like you, that isn't the police girl... you know sure she's got big titties but she talks so much... non stop blablablabla!" He pauses to take a sip of some drink and then continues. "So anyways basically what I am asking or more like demanding is that you be my bride." He says while swirling his drink in his glass. I stand up out of my chair and look at him as if he is crazy. "I would never..." I stop my self mid sentence and then think off Jan. "Would you let Jan live if I did?" I ask while looking towards the ground. "Hmm... well I guess." Is all he says. "Then I will except your offer." As soon as I say those words Alucard gets up grabs my hand, slides up my arm and around to the nape of my neck. "I can't wait. I'll come visit you soon, but for now you'll..." his voice fades away and I'm left in pitch blackness. I hear a faint voice in the depths of the darkness. "Wake... fuck..." sounds like Jan.
I wake up to see Jan staring at me, sweat dripping down his face, his eyes dilated. He was worried. He grabs me and hugs me tightly. "What the fuck happened. Why weren't you waking up! I heard your heart stop for a good twenty seconds, I was about to turn you... fuck you scared the shit out of me!" He utters. "turn me?" I speak with curiosity to my voice while turning my head so that our eyes meet. He begins to explain. "I'd turn you vamp, I didn't know what else to do. You think I know fucking CPR? Fuck no." I chuckle and then remember my dream. Tears begin to flow out my eyes. "Jan I'm so sorry." He looks at me like already  kind of knows what was going on in my head when I say that. "I-I saw Alucard and he... we fought... and but I had to kill him but then I... and in that dark place... his bride I..." I can't talk straight so I just stop and try to calm down. "What about a bride?" He asks his eyes still dilated. Isn't there some other easier way to tell him. "I... it's to hard to explain... I..." I cup my face in my hands and sigh loudly. I don't know how to tell him. "Give me you finger." He says softly. I hold out my hand and he takes my pointing finger to his mouth and bites it. I wince in pain and notice a little bit of blood. Jan closes his eyes while continually sucking on my finger. After a minute he drops my hand and his pupils constrict, the colour of his iris turns very dark and dull. I think he knows what happened. He gets up without a word and steps away from me. I stare up at him with guilty eyes. "Jan I..." before I can say my apologies Jan starts to freak out. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fucking shit! Fuck!" He breaks the bathroom door down and then smashes the bathroom mirror. I jump in fear, but I want to calm him down. I slowly get up and start moving towards him. Before I even make it off the bed he snaps his head around so that he's looking at me. His eyes are vibrant yellow and wild as ever. "Just stay the fuck where you are! Or I'll fucking end up killing you!" He says, and as he talks I see his teeth are more noticeable. I want to help him but he won't let me. I open the door beside me and take out a pencil. I take the pencil to my wrist and stab myself with it. I yelp in pain. Jan looks over at me completely dazed. He begins to walk towards me. "Jan turn me." He snaps out of his daze and then looks at me like I'm crazy. "The fuck is wrong with you! You really wanna die don't you! You fucking suicidal bitch!... Fuck that!" With those cruel words of his I get up really quickly and grab him by his hair. "Fuck you! It's your fault I'm like this! You could have left me the fuck alone or killed me but you fucking made me love you! So go fuck your self! I'll just go find that Alucard guy and ask him to kill me! Then it's good riddance for you!" I quickly push past him, grab my jacket, slip on my shoes and begin to walk towards the door. I'm about to turn the knob but Jan is already in front of me. He's leaning over me, his face now looks stressed and impatient. I look at him with angry eyes. "Get out of my way..." I demand in a low voice because I'm nervous.  "Your not going to him. Your staying with me. I'm sorry okay! I love you and it pissed me off that you agreed to being his wife! And that you tried to kill yourself!" He says with anger, but I've never heard him say sorry and actually mean it, or say he loves me with that much compassion. "I'd only take my own life if you where gone." I look away and notice my wrist is still dripping blood. I look back up at Jan and feel very ill and light headed. I lift my bloody wrist to my face so that I can see it more clearly. Jan grabs my wrist and looks at the gushing cut. He sniffs it too. "Fuck." Is all he says before putting his lips to the cut on my wrist. He begins to suck the cut intensely and I feel as though all the energy in my body is draining. I fall onto Jan's chest and with his free hand he holds my waist. He stops sucking for a minute and sniffs the cut again. "I can't get this shit out! Besides me have you ever had sex?" He asks with panic to his voice. I slowly process what he is saying. "N-no I haven't why?" I answer with a shudder. Jan doesn't answer me he just slowly brings me to the couch. My vision is starting to go black and foggy and I'm starting to feel really cold. "Hey stay with me, I need time to think... Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" He stands my limp body up. My head falls on his shoulder and I feel his hot breath against my neck. "This is the only way." He whispers in my ear and then it happens.