Sad to Belong

Chapter 23

Nakarating naman ng maayos ang magkapatid sa cottage nila Saige. Itinext na daw ni E.J ang dalawa niyang kaibigan na gawin nalang nila kung ano ang gusto nilang gawin dahil may importante siyang pinagkakaabalahan. He doesn't want to tell them that it involves Zayelee dahil baka magtanong pa ang mga ito.

Napaupo ang dalaga sa kanyang kama habang pinapanuod ang kanyang kuya na nagsasalin ng malamig na tubig sa dalawang baso.

"You can start now baby." He encouraged at kumuha ng upuan at humarap sa kanyang kapatid.

"Well, his name's Kean and I met him during my last year in College. Naging kaklase ko siya in two of my classes. Hindi ko nga alam na kaklase ko pala siya until he messaged me on facebook one night through our class' group message. We talked through there and he actually helped me with some of our topics, kuya. Naging friends din kami and I think he was such a great help to me dahil... we lost Dad. I had no one that time dahil maging si Saige ay nasa ibang bansa. Don't blame yourselves dahil wala kayo noon sa tabi ko kuya. We all struggled and I think that we couldn't face each other then because if we did, we'd realise that we truly lost him. I don't even blame mum for not being there. Anyway, he helped me deal with the awful reality kuya. He made me laugh when I thought I couldn't and I realised that I actually liked having him around. He confessed his true feelings for me one day and I was taken aback... kasi buong akala ko hanggang magkaibigan lang talaga kami. I mean, I didn't see it coming. It was the first time I made a friend except Saige so I thought we wouldn't get to that part. Eventually I started feeling something for him and I tried my hardest not to... I convinced myself that I'm just lonely and I need someone, who apart from Saige, can understand me but I said to myself, maybe it's time for me to be true to myself and the day you arrived home was the day I was finally ready to confess to him kuya..."

Zayelee could not believe she has made it this far without crying her eyes out. She feels a lot of pain inside but maybe finally, nakikinig na ang kanyang mga luha sa kanya dahil ayaw na ayaw niyang umiiyak sa harapan ng ibang tao but so far, she's been failing herself.

"So... what happened that day?" kahit na alam ni E.J na hindi maganda ang sasabihin ng kapatid ay tinanong niya pa rin ito. He needs to hear what causes his sister sadness.

"I...saw him... kissing another girl, Kuya." Pumiyok ang dalaga matapos niyang ihayag ito sa kanyang kuya. Napakasakit na ng kanyang lalamunan dahil pinipigilan niya ang sariling umiyak. Tila parang may tennis ball doon na bumabara at iniinda niya lang ang sakit.

"Fvck!" sigaw ng kanyang kuya at napatayo ito. Zayelee looked up to him at hinahawakan nito ang kanyang ulo na parang nag-iisip ng malalim at nakakunot ang ulo. He suddenly sat next to her at hinagkan niya ang kapatid. Hindi na nakayanan pa ng dalaga ang bigat sa kanyang dibdib kaya't nagsi-umpisahan ng tumulo ang kanyang mga luha. Ganyan talaga kapag kino-comfort ka ng isang tao kapag may problema ka. Mas lalo ka lang napapaiyak ng sobra at ito na nga ngayon ang sitwasyon na kinaaayawan ni Zayelee. "I'm here baby sis. Cry it all out. I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry."

Humahagulhol na ang dalaga habang inaalo naman siya ng kanyang kapatid. He's rubbing her hair as if it'll make her stop from crying. It's as if it will heal her from the pain she's feeling inside. Nothing hurts E.J as much than witnessing his sister crying because of some dickhead! Talagang magbabayad ang gagong iyon sa ginawa niya sa kapatid niya kahit ano pang pakiusap ang gagawin sa kanya ni Zayelee! Marahang lumayo si E.J sa kapatid para kunin ang inilagay niyang baso ng tubig sa nightstand nito. "Here baby, drink this. You need water." Inabot naman ito ng dalaga at kahit ayaw niya'y pinilit niya ang sarili. It somehow calmed her a little at ngayo'y panay na ang kanyang sinok. E.J is still sitting beside her at hinahaplos ang kanyang braso.

"Sorry about that kuya. Nabasa ko pa tuloy 'yang t-shirt mo." She tried to smile but pain is still evident in her eyes. It kills E.J seeing her this way. Kaya pala may napapansin siyang kakaiba sa bawat ngiti at tawa ng kanyang kapatid. Na parang pilit o may kulang. He thought it was just something simple or dahil 'yun sa kanilang ina pero higit pa pala ito sa inaakala niya.

"I don't care baby." He replied saka pinunasan ang kakatakas lang na luha sa pisngi ng kanyang bunsong kapatid. "Does he know you know about it?"

"Hindi kuya." Malamyang tugon ng dalaga.

"Nakapag-usap na ba kayo?"

"Hindi pa kuya. He reached out to me through calls but I think I deserve more than just a phone call. I want us to talk in person."

"You know what, fvck him. He truly doesn't deserve you. If he likes you as he claimed it, dapat pinuntahan ka na niya agad. I assumed you took him home?"

"Y-yeah... pero walang nangyari sa'min kuya, I swear."

"I believe you. But there you go, alam pala niya ang bahay natin so bakit hindi ka niya pinuntahan kung talagang he's desperate for an answer. Or, is he?" Parang kinurot ang puso ni Zayelee sa mga sinabi ng kanyang kuya. Tama nga ito. Kung talagang gusto niya ang dalaga, dapat 'nung ikalawang araw palang na hindi na sila nakapag-usap ay pinuntahan niya na ito sa kanilang bahay dahil parati naman silang nag-uusap noon. Araw-araw! A man will not just wait and sit around for a girl he truly loves.

'Siguro nga mababaw lang talaga 'yung pagmamahal sa'kin ng lalaking yun. Masyado kasi akong papaniwalain eh. Ayan tuloy. Malay mo, nagbibiro lang pala yun o di kaya tinest ka lang niya kung mahuhulog ka sa kanyang patibong. Na anytime he's ready to walk away from. Na wala siyang pake sa kung ano man ang mararamdaman ko. Hay, see? You learn your lesson the hard way.'

'Ano na ang gagawin ko ngayon?' Iyan naman talaga ang tanong mo sa iyong sarili kapag nawala ang isang bagay na masyado ng naging malapit sa'yo hindi ba? You have become so attached that you have no idea how to start all over again without them anymore. Nasanay kang nandyan parati ang taong 'yan. Na handang makinig sa lahat ng mga kagaguhan mo, sa lahat ng mga walang kwentang iniisip mo at sa lahat ng mga bagay na akala mo ay walang kasagutan. They were there to listen, to put up with you but the thing is, they never really helped you. It was all on you after all this time. Ikaw ang tumulong sa sarili mong labanan ang mga demonyong umaaligid sa isip mo. Na ikaw ang pumilit sa sarili mong bumangon araw-araw kahit na hindi mo mahanap ang kagustuhang ipagpatuloy ang iyong nasimulan. It was you who truly helped yourself all along. You were just blinded by your so-called 'like' or 'love' to that person that you didn't realise that you can make it without them.

"I'll be fine kuya. I decided that I'm going to stop waiting for him and I'll move on. Hindi naman naging kami eh so it shouldn't be hard. Hopefully. Kasi sa tingin ko, wala namang mangyayari kung mag-aantay lang ako sakanya."

"That's right baby sis. You don't need that fvcking jerk. Nandito lang naman ako, kami. We will help you. At panigurado akong mahahanap mo rin ang taong nakalaan sa'yo at the right time." Nakangiting tugon ng kanyang kuya saka siya muling hinagkan.

"I'm sorry for not telling this to you earlier, kuya."

"S'alright. Naiintindihan ko. Telling your story to people takes a lot of bravery so, I'm proud of you for not lying to me. Kuya's always here."

"Thank you so much kuya. Pwede bang ikaw nalang ang magsabi nito kay kuya Blaise? I don't think I can do this all over again."

"Yeah, of course baby. If that's what you want. Kailangan mo ng magpahinga. I'll wake you up later kapag kompleto na tayong lahat para makapaglaro ng volleyball. Is that ok with you?"

"Oo naman kuya."

E.J tucked his sister in to her bed saka hinalikan ito sa noo. She has been through so much at ngayo'y nagsink-in na talaga sa kanyang dalagang-dalaga na ang kapatid niya na parang kelan niya lang kinakarga, nilalaro at binabantayan.