Turning Back..

Chapter 31

It had been two months since that occurrence and I hadn't spoken to Vic since that morning in the coffee shop and no one else knew about what happened that night apart from Kacie... Kacie had known something had gone on that night and I'd come clean to her but she had promised she wouldn't say a word to Hime or even Mike for that matter. She wasn't close to Carly she found her to be too shy of a person and she didn't really get on with people like that. Kacie wasn't going on tour this time, she said she would miss me and Marie too much so I was going to go stay at her's and Mike's for the next couple of months. Kacie had recently got engaged to Mike and we would probably more than likely be planning her wedding. She was picky when it came to things like this, I remember her's and Ronnie's wedding and it was way more stressful than it should have been. I pulled my suitcase up to her front porch and went inside to find her sat with Marie and Rowan. Marie was reading Rowan a book and I smiled at the two of them before taking a seat on Kacie's couch where she was sat with a wedding magazine "I want this wedding to be better than when I married Ronnie y'know, but I don't know how I can make it different" I sighed

"It's just a wedding Kacie" I told her, I didn't mean for it to come out snappy I had just been extremely hormonal for the past week or so. It might have been something to do with the secret I was keeping from Jaime. I just hoped nothing happened on tour that would make Vic blurt anything out. 

The day went pretty quickly and we were just on our way home from the park with Marie and Rowan "What's for Dinner Mom?" Marie asked Kacie as we walked through the front door

"I was thinking I'd cook some pizza's?" Marie smiled and nodded before she ran into the living room. Rowan was squirming in my arms, he looked exhausted probably because Marie had been dragging him around all afternoon "Come on Mr, you look tired" I took him upstairs to Marie's room and laid him down in the cot before I headed downstairs to see if Kacie needed any help in the kitchen. Kacie said she was fine and didn't need any help so I sat in the living room with Marie, I was missing Jaime quite a lot already and it hadn't even been a full day yet. I decided to send him a quick text Deven: Hi Hime, hope you're ok? Missing you already xxx I placed my phone on the couch and watched the children's TV show Marie had decided to put on. After dinner we both decided to call it a day and go to bed after spending most of the day out and about I was feeling knackered. However when I woke up the next morning I found myself feeling even worse, so bad in fact that I was lent over the toilet bowl. I didn't think anything of it, I thought maybe I just had food poisoning like the last time but then it sunk in... Morning sickness... I walked out into the living room in a panic "What's up with you?" Kacie asked me, she was sat with Rowan on her knee feeding him 

"I'm pregnant Kacie" she looked up at me 

"What? Again? How this time?" It had to be Jaime's

"Well It's Jaime's obviously I haven't slept with any-" I froze "Vic.. shit" I spoke and Kacie's eyes widened "VIC?!" she shouted I started to feel nauseous again, what the hell was I going to do 

"I can't have this baby Kacie, I can't do it all over again" I felt tears run down my cheek as I spoke

"Wait, how do you know you're pregnant have you taken a test?" she asked me trying to stop me from jumping to conclusions "Well it's obvious isn't it? I have morning sickness and my breasts are sore and" she shushed me 

"We will go down to the store and get you a test and then you can decide what to do" I nodded at her and went back upstairs to get ready. 

The dreaded test. I placed it on the counter and waited for that two minutes which seemed to last hours pass. With a shaky hand and eyes squeezed shut I picked it up, fingers crossed "please be negative, please be negative" I whispered to myself, I pryed my eyes open and threw the test at the wall it was positive, I was pregnant and it was Vic's there was no doubt about it. How could this happen! Why does this always end up happening to me? I shook my head it was my own fault for getting so drunk that night.. I burst out of the bathroom to find Kacie stood there, she stumbled backwards a little "I can't do it Kacie, I just can't!" I rushed by her and into the kitchen where I found my bag and rummaged through it to find my phone. I went into my contacts "Wait, who are you calling?" she asked me "You are pregnant then?" she asked and I just carried on scrolling through my contacts to find the number for the hospital, I wasn't having this baby and I wasn't going to ruin what me and Jaime had built. I just couldn't break another guys heart I'd done it enough. Kacie snatched the phone from my hand "Now, listen to me Deven, we need to just sit down and think properly about this before making any rash decisions.... There's a possibility it could be Hime's again right?" I shook my head violently at her

"NO! It's not Jaime's we haven't you know, We've both been too tired for that sort of thing since Rowan was born" Kacie nodded in understanding

"Ok, ok. Just come clean to Jaime" she told me sternly

"No way, I don't want to break his heart I can't he's so good to me" Kacie sighed and looked at me 

"I know you're not in love with him, you're just in love with the fact that he's the father of your child, your heart belongs to Vic it always has and you know that!" I shook my head at her, angered by the comment she had just made "I know Dev, I've been there with Ronnie, I thought I was in love with him because he was Marie's Dad but.. It doesn't work like that. I wanted that perfect family image but it was so unrealistic with everything else going on" I sighed trying to calm myself right If what Kacie was saying wasn't true then why was I so angered by it "Ok, I'll wait a couple more days and see how I feel, but, I'm not telling Jaime just yet" she nodded

"Good, now go get Rowan and we will head out for lunch" I smiled at her and walked into the living room to get Rowan. 

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The two days I'd given myself to think hadn't gone well, I hadn't even had a spare minute to think about other options... I was so busy with Rowan all of the time. I could barely handle one baby I couldn't have another to look after. On that thought I pulled my phone out of my pocket and found the number for the nearest clinic made and appointment to talk through it and by the next morning I was on my way.. Kacie had tried to stop me, she'd even tried to pull me through the front door saying I should at least wait until the guys got back so that I could talk it through with Vic but I couldn't do that I didn't want him to know anything of this. 

The clinic waiting room was horrible and I waited for what felt like forever just to speak with someone. They told me I wasn't too far gone and that they could fit me in tomorrow and I took the slot and started to mentally prepare myself for what was going to happen. I knew I'd have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life but I couldn't handle hurting Jaime or Vic. I drove back home popping to the store on the way to grab some more nappies for Rowan. But I was surprised when I walked into the house to find Vic stood there staring at me eyes wide he rushed to my side "V-V-Vic what are you doing here? I thought you were going to be out for two months what?" Carly walked out of the living room followed by Kacie "Deven I'm sorry I had to call him" Carly's face was all red and blotchy as though she had been crying, or maybe she had if she new what was going on "Deven, is it true?" I flicked my eyes to Kacie as she stood next to Carly and I looked back at Vic as I nodded

"Y-yes but, I'm terminating it" his mouth parted and he walked up to me grabbing my cheeks in his hands "N-no, have you thought about this properly" I looked at Carly and instantly burst into tears realizing I'd be breaking her heart too "Yes I have Vic and you deserve to be happy, you don't need this" he shook his head violently  "Vic just, go back to wherever you were please!" I pushed him away from me and headed straight upstairs to my room. My phone started ringing and Jaime's name flashed up on the screen, I clicked decline it was obvious he knew now if Vic had flown out to see me. How could you come up with an excuse? There was a knock at my door and I turned to it as Vic walked in sitting down next to me "Are you really going to get rid of it?" I nodded not looking at him I couldn't. "Without even asking me what I want?" I nodded again 

"It doesn't matter Vic ok? Just get back on tour and forget about it, by tomorrow it will be over" I told him standing up and walking over to the door opening it again so he could leave "Tomorrow? You are having an abortion tomorrow?" he asked me and I nodded

"Vic please just go!" he sighed and I watched as he hesitantly left....