Love Shy

Chapter Fifty one

I make it to the car park before I'm almost doubled over in pain from the crying. My body has no where near healed from Sean's birth and all my sobbing is taking its toll on my aching muscles and healing scar. Holding onto a parked car for support i feel Antons hand on my back and it's my undoing. I am literally howling in pain both emotional and physical that I can do nothing to ease. "Shhh shy don't worry. It's gonna be ok" he soothes as he turns me into his embrace. Eventually we make it to the car and I'm buckled in and checking my phone to see if dad has called about Sean. "Shy. I know everything with my brother is super emotional and you ain't really got any questions you had answered but I'm here. I know everything. You can ask me anything and I will answer honestly without all the emotional shit." I nod as I try to prevent my self from crying more.

"And just for the record. Jordan adores you and he got all that bruising and shit fighting someone that told him your pussy ain't worth all the drama" I huff as I try not to break down all over again. "What happens at the hearing?" I ask as Anton starts the engine and he blows out a deep breath. "Its basically his sentencing. He's calling it a hearing cos it sounds better but he's going to court to be told how long hes got. And that Depends on if they can link the weapon to any other crimes" bile rises in my throat as I ask the question that I'm not sure I want an answer to. "How long could he get?" Again Anton sighs. "Five years minimum. Could be less if he behaves. But with his temper God knows" his honesty hurts but I'm thankful for it. Sean will be five before Jordan gets out. The thought makes me sick.

"It was horrible . He was covered in bruises and he just looked so defeated" i say to dad as I lounge on his sofa with Sean. Anton dropped me off about fifteen minutes ago and I have been telling dad what happened as he made me a cup of hot chocolate and fussed around me and the baby. "I'm sure it will get easier princess" he says sitting next to me and throwing his arm accross the back of the sofa behind my head so I can snuggle into him as we both stare at my boy.

"Have you heard anything from jade?" I ask and dad nods. " yeah she's coming over tomorrow. She has an interview so I'm going to baby sit" I smile knowing that seeing Sean's baby is probably one of the main driving forces in dad's life now. I'm glad jade maintains the contact with us. The door knocks and dad goes to stand but Kierans deep voice telling "I got it" halts him in his tracks. "Hey shy" he murmurs as he moves to the door putting on his jacket. "What's up shy. Mr Monroe." Jamal says as he enters the house as Kieran sits on the bottom steps lacing up his trainers. " wow he's got massive" he whispers as he eyes Sean over my shoulder. I nod in agreement not knowing what to say. "How are the twins?" My dad asks and Jamal nods. " should be back out of isolation in the next few days then they get their visits back" this responds and my dad nods gruffly, pulling me closer. It's weird to see Kieran with Jamal but I guess since everything that's been happening it makes sense that they would at least speak. They leave and I pass my sleeping little boy to my dad so I can use the bathroom.

On my return I ask dad what I should do and he as always answers without answering. "What is your gut and your heart telling you to do?" Sorry but how is that helpful? I sigh as I fold some of Sean's stuff to put back into his baby bag. " I love him dad but I can't help but resent him" he nods. Understanding without me having to explain why.  "Well maybe you should go. Put everything into prospective. Hear everything for your self and then decide." Truth be told I'm scared to go but I don't say this to dad. Instead I just nod. " why don't you go and have a bath or a nap. Relax. I'm fine here with sean" dad says gently rocking him as he stirs and I nod my thanks kissing him on the cheek as I pass to go upstairs.

Tuesday comes way quicker than I had hoped as I struggle to fit into the smart black skirt I wore at my careers interview and a white blouse. My body hadn't changed too much but there was still a little baby fat around my bum and waist and of course my chest was milk filled and even bigger than normal. Tying my hot into a low pony as I couldn't yet stretch enough to get a high one. Slowly I make my way downstairs avoiding looking at the texts I have from rio. He's messaged 3 times since I came home from hospital but since visiting jords I feel weird replying when I know he hates it. So I haven't responded. lifting Sean for a quick feed before I go I double check he has enough pumped in case I'm gone longer than a few hours and dad needs to feed him. He sleepily latched on as I throw the blanket over us to cover where his mouth meets my boob. The door knocks and dad let's lisa and Anton in. I can tell she's been crying and I finish up and hand Sean to her to burp as I quickly fix myself. "Thank you for coming shy. It really I going to mean the world to him" she mentions and I nod feeling awkward as I put on my coat. Dad kissed me good bye and takes Sean as we leave. I'm silent all the way there despite Anton trying to warn me of what will happen and lisa fussing over how Sean looks just like Jordan did as a baby. Finally we are parked and walking up the steps to the gallery where the man of my dreams is to be sentenced. I remember laughing under my breath at the thought that Life comes at you fast some times.