Love Shy

Chapter Fifty

As I look back now I remember being in complete awe of the fact that a person could cry so frequently due to constantly contrasting emotions and still never run out. It seemed all i was capable of was tears. If I told you I was happy to see Rio I would be lying. But yet if I told you I was upset he was there instead of my Jordan I would also be lying. Does that make me a bad person? My need to be comforted even if not by the person who should be sharing these tender moments with me? To this day I couldn't give you an answer. All I know is in that moment when I looked up into Rios eyes, so different from Jordan's. I couldn't ask him to leave and to my surprise he didn't want to.

"Rio!" Was all I could whisper as he stood by the door for once unsure of himself. His eyes never left my face and he didn't speak for what felt like an eternity he just stood there staring. He held a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a boy balloon attached to a teddy but both seemed forgotten as he stood in a pair of jeans and a red polo top. I remember he used to love to wear polo tops. He had changed physically and yet looking up at him I felt like we were back to being fourteen again. As if no time had passed since the day I first met him.

Finally the silence is broken by a gentle sigh from Sean and both mine and Rios eyes snap to the small cot next to my bed. "Shy I errr. I just came by to erm..." Suddenly remembering his gifts he steps forward with his items as if to give them to me then changed his mind and places them on the small side table that is at the end of my bed. "Congratulations" he finishes quietly and I sit up in the bed a little more trying my best not to grimace as pain shoots through my stomach. "What are you doing here Rio?" I question my face flaming red. I'm embarrassed. I just recently lost my brother, found out my boyfriend is a potential thieving, gang affiliated drug lord and gave birth less than a day ago, by myself, with complications due to said fiance waving a gun in my face and getting arrested. I realise I  must look a state.  I huff as I struggle to get comfortable. Luckily his eyes are trained on the floor so he doesn't see me wince in pain. After another lengthy silence he stares directly at me "I'm sorry about Jordan, chyanne" oh. why did he have to speak. My ever present never ending supply of tears return and within seconds I'm sobbing into Rio's chest as he holds me, gently rubbing my back in soothing motions. "I can't do it without him Rio. I love him so much and he's messed it all up, oh god what am I gonna do" my sobbing turns into full back shaking tsunami sized water works and I break down completely. Rio doesn't utter a word. He just stays on the edge of my hospital bed holding me until his shirt is soaked and I don't even have the energy to cry anymore. Slowly he lowers me back onto the pillow and sleep takes over.

My life has completely changed in one day. Yesterday I could have slept through an earthquake. Today, my son whimpers and I'm up on full alert. I glance in his cot and notice he's starting to shift from sleep. He must be getting hungry. The clock tells me I've only been asleep two hours, its funny I had the weirdest dream. I try and shuffle closer wincing as pain slices through me. "Shy!?" My heart leaps into my throat and I stifle a scream as I whip my head around to stare at Rio sprawled out in the visitors armchair next to my bed. "You scared me half to death" I whisper furiously as I realise it wasn't a dream after all. "Sorry. Are you OK? Is the... Erm.... Is he OK?" He asks quietly, his deep voice sounding like a baseline. I nod staring back at Sean. "He's fine" I smile looking down at my handsome boy. "He's just hungry but I can't get to him easily cos of my op" I respond and I hear Rio shuffle behind me until he comes in to view on the other side of the bed. "Can I help or should I call someone or what?" He asks as he looks from the cot to me and back again. His eyes lingering on sean as he waits for my response. I think for a moment before asking Rio to adjust my pillows and help me shuffle in to a more comfortable position. As embarrassed as I am I realise he's seen me army worst. Sean starts his beautiful little cry as I get settled and I ask Rio to hand him to me. "What me?" He asks uneasily, looking around as if someone might come and rescue him. It makes me laugh to think a big man like him trained in the army but scared of my squirming little boy. "Yeah you. Just support his head. You'll be fine." I chuckle. He nods before slowly lifting Sean and the blanket he's swaddled in and out of the cot. He looks even smaller now that he's in Rios big arms and my heart breaks for Jordan's absence yet again.