Love Shy

Chapter Forty

I wasn't one to have a weak stomach normally. But today was the ninth day I was being propelled out of bed and into the bathroom to chuck my guts up. My stomach churned and heaved at having to empty itself. I sat down with my back against the bath tub and tilted my head back gasping for air my body broke out in a cold sweat and with my hair thrown up into a messy knot on top of my head and my matching shorts and top set I must have looked like death warmed up. Jordan appeared at the bathroom door his bare chest and curly hair doing nothing to alleviate my bad mood. "ready to go doctors now?" he asked his sleepy deep voice irritating me. "no its flu Jords it will pass." I mumbled as he came to squat in front of me, his hands resting on my knees. "come on baby, lets just go check. or I can get a test and bring it home?" he said and I nodded miserably before putting my face in my hands and crying my eyes out. Jords slid down against the wall opposite me and pulled me into his lap. " stop shy, baby what's wrong?" I just buried my self into his neck and continued to sob as he stroked my back gently. "come on. talk to me babe." I sniffed and tried to regain myself.

"im...im... too young Jords. I don't want a ba. Baby. you. You promised no ba... babies" I spluttered trying to stop the new wave of tears. Jordan closed his eyes and pulled me close holding the back of my neck as he stroked my back softly. I knew what I was saying was hurting him. He would happily have kids now but I just wasn't ready. I had college and then maybe uni. I hadn't even started my life. Once my sobs had subsided he finally spoke. "shy whatever you want to do im with you but don't get ahead of yourself. lets just check ok? please. its killing me" His pleads started me off again and I started crying again. No sooner had I caught my breath I was pushing Jords off of me to return to the toilet bowl. he rubbed my back gently as I let the last of yesterdays food leave my body. and then stood slowly and left me to get water and a bucket so I didn't have to keep running to the toilet and once I was back in his bed he left to get the tests.

Forty five minutes I sat on the toilet as Jordan paced up and down the hallway outside. He was fidgeting so much I thought he might break something or wear a hole into the carpet. There was three of the nine tests Jordan had bought thrown in the sink with my pee on them. I was too scared to look and too scared to open the door so that Jordan could look. instead I sat on the toilet with my shorts still around my ankles and my head in my hands. "shy its been six minutes, are you done?" I sighed and finished my business on the toilet before opening the door to Jordan. He stopped pacing and looked at me expectantly but I just shrugged causing him to frown. "I didn't look yet." I mumbled and he nodded stepping into the bathroom and crowding me. I had been in the shower and brushed my teeth but I was back in pjs and my hair was still thrown up. I felt rotten standing next to Jords but he seemed oblivious as he stared into my eyes. "I love you. no matter what im with you. you know that right?" he said softly cupping my chin and I nodded miserably. He pecked my lips then went to the sink and picked up first the box to see the instructions then one of the sticks. the tiny stick looked ridiculous in his hand but I waited just behind him to scared to look. "I don't know" he finally said and I pushed in front of him looking at the test. Dropping that test I checked the second then the third. "its positive, im pregnant Jords" I said holding onto the sink to steady myself as a wave of dizziness came over me just as his strong arms came up to keep me standing. "ok" was all he said before I turned in his arms and cried some more. "im sorry shy. baby im so sorry" he whispered making me cry even harder. He wanted a baby more than anything and still he was apologising. God I loved him.

We stayed in the bathroom for a long time before Jords packed up all of our stuff and took me back to his room. I sat on the edge of the bed not feeling anything at all. I was on the pill. I never forgot it. Never. And here I was pregnant. who was I kidding? The way Jordan and I made love I was probably having triplets. oh god what was my dad going to say? and the twins? Fuck. just Fuck. I hadn't even noticed Jordan had disappeared until he came back with a tray of food and a couple of leaflets. my heart lurched at the titles;