in a perfect world,
my mind would be clear.
no responsibilities to stress and slave over.
no screaming parents and panic attacks.
no useless school busy work that causes my grades to drop.
no mean teachers or students.
no anxiety in my head and in my body.
no depression pushing down on my shoulders like i am atlas holding the sky on my back.
no compulsions making me organize and plan everything before i get anything done, no compulsions making me always feel dirty and not clean enough and oh god i want to bathe in bleach, why is it so dirty here?
no autism making me confusing to others because they don't understand me or the things that i do/say.
no voices in my head at night telling me to cut myself, burn myself, overdose on my pills, drink dad's vodka, run away, kill myself, do anything outrageous and dangerous and horrible.
no dissociating.
no bottled up emotions.
no random bouts of crying for no reason.
no more, no more, no more.
just peace
and
quiet
please, says my mind to the world,
but the world won't listen.
it's going too fast, they can't hear me.
why won't everything slow down?
why am i so confused and lost?
why am i trapped in this loop of stress and fear and sadness and anger and frustration and exhaustion?
why does it have to be this way?
i'm just so tired,
but i can't sleep
because i have to do schoolwork
for 8 different classes
and time is running out
but it's running so fast,
i can't keep up.
maybe i should just stop.
maybe i should step off of the crazy freight train that i'm expected to ride through like everybody else.
why does it have to be this way?
i want peace.
i just want to feel content.
i just want everything to slow down.
why doesn't anyone understand?
YOU ARE READING
everything changes (but we all stay the same)
Poetryif my life could be replayed, if i could share my struggles over the course of time, if i could create such a thing, an endless recording of my life; it would be over hours and hours of overthinking. - (trigger warning for frequent, graphic descr...
