0.4 // reliving

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today is a new day.
i feel relieved, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
i no longer feel like atlas holding the sky on his back,
but i feel reborn.

i've decided to relive my life from now on.

i sometimes regress back to childhood so i can live happier.
i sometimes regress back to the time when everything went wrong, so i can fix things.

i know this isn't a normal way of coping,
but it helps get this weight off of me,
it relieves the pain.

i am reliving.

i'm reflecting on my life and making changes.
i have to get better.
i will get better.

this is no longer about anyone else but me.
i am the only one who can fix myself.
i need to learn something:

"i am not my illnesses. i am not my disorders. i am my own person, and i have to build up a personality that doesn't revolve around my misery. i am not my illnesses. i am beautiful. i am strong. i am unique. and i can do this."

i have to relearn who i am.
i have to remember what my personality is.
i have to be true.

i'm terrified, but at the same time,
i am so excited for what lies ahead from now on.

i am reliving.

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