everything changes (but we all stay the same)

1.2 // nostalgia

the smell of cut grass in the twilight

the sounds of the chirping crickets and cicadas

the feeling of rain in the air,
raindrops hitting my window rhythmically

i'm sitting on my carpet,
coloring in my favorite book,
surrounded by my stuffed animals

my dad calls me downstairs for dinner

"dinner's ready!"
"okay!"

we sit at the table together,
and joyously eat as a happy family.

-

nostalgia.

it hurts that i can't have all of it back.

now, everything is different.

-

the smell of rat urine and animals

the sounds of my parents yelling

the feeling of tension in the air,
footsteps pounding down the stairs

i'm laying in my bed,
listening to the same song on repeat,
surrounded by the feeling of emptiness

my dad calls me out of my room for dinner

"dinner's ready!"
"..."

we take our food and retreat to our separate rooms,
and eat alone, not bothering to be around each other.

-

pain.

everything hurts.

every day feels the same.

i only wish that one day, this vicious cycle can break

i am tired of feeling tired

i want to be happy

i want to have the energy to live

i want to go back to the 2000's