lately, i'm doing okay.
it's strange, and foreign.
i'm the most confident i've ever been,
and i'm doing whatever i want,
but only because i have completely lost the ability to care about the consequences.
i don't care anymore about anything.
and it's such a new feeling from my usual anxieties,
but it's not unwelcome.
i've been told that this is a bad thing,
since people are supposed to care.
people are supposed to have anxieties and worries.
but i don't want any.
i am more than happy to live my life on a manic spree,
emptying my bank account on useless things,
eating whatever i want,
doing whatever drugs i feel are the most reckless,
and drinking until i can hardly walk.
it's the most fun and carefree time i've had in my life.
this emptiness is different to the usual kind:
this emptiness is less like a cold, tight hand wrapped around my neck,
and more like i'm floating in the pitch black space of the outermost cosmos.
i hardly ever think about anything anymore,
and it's exhilarating.
no more thoughts holding me back,
no more anxieties and insecurities keeping me from being my best self.
i know it's probably unhealthy— yet this is the most free i have felt in years.
and i don't feel ready to turn back anytime soon.
YOU ARE READING
everything changes (but we all stay the same)
Poesíaif my life could be replayed, if i could share my struggles over the course of time, if i could create such a thing, an endless recording of my life; it would be over hours and hours of overthinking. - (trigger warning for frequent, graphic descr...
