i love him.
fuck, i love him so much, and it hurts so bad.
it feels like i'm drowning,
choking on lukewarm water,
my body convulsing as i sink lower and lower.
every time i remember that he will never even know who i am,
it feels like a bat being swung against my chest.
he's so beautiful and talented,
so down-to-earth and hardworking,
and i know we would be such a great couple.
but he will never even know who i am,
no matter how hard i try,
and no matter how much i wish.
he's a celebrity, after all.
but i don't see him like that.
i don't see him as a "celebrity crush".
i sometimes daydream about bringing him coffee while he works,
gently patting his shoulder,
and laying on the couch in the corner to quietly get lost in my phone
so as to not bother him.
i sometimes daydream about us laying underneath the stars,
speaking softly about nothing particular,
holding hands and rubbing our knuckles.
i sometimes daydream about gentle kisses,
lighthearted banter before sleeping in a warm bed,
growing older together and getting married,
having children and raising them the best we can,
and falling more and more in love every day.
he truly is my dream boy.
but my feelings are the same as thousands of other people,
i'm nothing special for feeling this way for him.
and every time i remember how much i love him,
it's like a dagger to my heart.
YOU ARE READING
everything changes (but we all stay the same)
Puisiif my life could be replayed, if i could share my struggles over the course of time, if i could create such a thing, an endless recording of my life; it would be over hours and hours of overthinking. - (trigger warning for frequent, graphic descr...
