i'm losing myself every day.
i become more tainted and horrible with every passing minute,
losing everything i once held dear,
and i don't know how to cope anymore.
i have a small following on social media that encourages me to use healthy coping mechanisms,
to practice self-care rather than self-harm,
but i don't do it for myself.
i do it for them.
i've always done anything i can to please others.
i used to be such a good person.
but now i'm disgusting.
i don't know how to explain what i'm feeling lately.
sometimes i'm completely empty and devoid of any care.
others, i feel like my heart is being clawed at from the inside out.
but almost all of the time,
i want to end everything.
nobody worries about me as much as they should.
have i become selfish for thinking this?
such small things set me off lately,
seeing a set of text on a screen for a brief moment can make a fleeting moment of joy melt into something much darker and painful.
i have nothing to gain,
but so much to lose in my life.
i have plateaued, in a way.
a morbid way.
i'm drawing closer and closer to my breaking point,
falling deeper into this hole that i've been falling in for years.
and nobody seems to care.
not even myself.
it makes me wonder,
when i take these opioids i've been saving up,
will anybody miss me when i'm gone?
YOU ARE READING
everything changes (but we all stay the same)
Poetryif my life could be replayed, if i could share my struggles over the course of time, if i could create such a thing, an endless recording of my life; it would be over hours and hours of overthinking. - (trigger warning for frequent, graphic descr...
