All I've Ever Wanted (Laurette)

Chapter 42

Lafayette's POV

I stood at the top of hill, watching Laurens and Mulligan as they sat by the stream. I mostly watched Laurens, sighing as I recalled his face when I hit him. I felt bad- okay, I felt like a huge jerk but I was still upset with him. He ignored what I said to him and went behind my back. I love him but I wasn't going to stand for this kind of nonsense when we were fighting an even greater war, not having time to waste on Laurens petty arguments. I couldn't understand why he would go and pull something like this. I give him credit that he did good at defending Washington's honor but to settle it with a duel was the worst choice he could ever make at the time. And I knew the men were talking about him, taunting him but I wouldn't say anything. I figured that maybe this would teach Laurens not to be so irrational with his actions, but also because I figured if I said something, people would figure out our secret. It pained me deeply to have to do it but I would indure it if I could. I would just have to explain to Laurens the situation later. If Mulligan wasn't around that is. He'd most likely be glued to Laurens's side and every second he had. I sighed, wanting to hold John in my arms and to kiss him. I wanted him back in my arms, in my embrace because I felt he was mine to have and hold but now it feels like that has been taken away... It was breaking my heart the longer that I yearned for him. Then before I realized what I was doing, I was walking down the hill to them. I stopped as I stood behind them.
I cleared my throat slightly and they both turned and looked at me.
"Hercules. I need you to go up to camp and help cleans the canons." I said, waiting him to go away so I could talk to John. He hesitantly got up and went up to the camp. John tried to get up and follow him but I held a hand out in front of him to stop him,
"No. Sit down, please. I need to talk to you." I sighed. He obeyed and sat on the stone. I sat beside him and looked at him. I smiled slightly, taking in his beautiful features and brushed a piece of hair behind his ear. He flinched of course at my touch which made my heart break even more but he relaxed when he realized what I was doing.
"I'm really sorry, mon amour... I should never have laid my hand on you like that. I will never forgive myself for hurting you, I swear to god I won't ever forgive myself for that... I don't know why or how I could have done that, I love you too much to actually want to hurt you... I'm so sorry, I love you..." I said with as much emotion in my voice as I could, trying to show that my heart was breaking so I could prove I was being sincere. He flung himself onto me and hugged me tightly. I carefully hugged him back and he cried into my shoulder.
"I love you to my amour Lafayette...I'm sorry for dueling behind your back..." he said quietly. I told him,
"I'm so sorry my love... I'll never hurt you again..."