Iris Veil

It won't stop pouring out of me! My vision is getting fuzzy an all I can see is a warm red stain growing on the carpet. I wanna scream for help but I am too weak to speak. I can't get up, my body is freezing. This is what I wanted I guess, didn't think it happen this time at least. I glance down at my wrists and just stare at the open gashes I've made.

I close my eyes just before my tears could escape.

I whisper, with the last ounce of energy I have in me. "I'm... Sorry."

The tears began to escape from the corners of my eyes. Ending my life, ready to leave. I feel my heart beat slow down as I take in smaller breaths. Goodbye life...

"Iris!"

I hear a loud scream as my door slams open but by now everything fades to blacks and I'm gone. A cold useless body.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"It was close but she'll be fine now. She's lost a lot of blood."

The voices wake me as I slowly begin open my eyes waiting for them to adjust to the bright white lights. I look around and I notice where I'm at.

"I'm... at the hospital?" I speak not expecting it to come out of my mouth so loud.

"Iris?" My mom quickly turns her head towards me. She's in her tight green tank top that matches her hazel green eyes. She looks so young and it bothers me.
"Iris you're okay!" She rushes towards me and wraps her arms tight around me, tears pouring out her eyes.

"Ow! Mom you're hurting me!" Her grip was squeezing my arms together. I could feel my cuts sting.

"Oh hun! I'm so sorry I didn't ..."

"It's all right." It wasn't. "Don't beat yourself up." I manage to let out a small smirk.

"Hunny I was so afraid, I thought I... well... you know." She says wiping away tears.

"Yeah. I know just please stop."

I knew what she was going to say but I guess spitting it out was way to hard for her. I look down at the bed sheets and see my arms bandaged up. I must have been close going to the other side. I've never passed out before.

The gown they had me in at the hospital felt comfy but itchy. I look around trying to scratch my upper back against the bed. My mom notices what I was trying to do and she laughs a little, I smile back.

"So when can she leave?" My mom asks the doctor, swirling her dyed blonde hair in the air.

"Unfortunately she can leave today if you feel comfortable with that decision." He looks over my mothers shoulder and glances at me. I nod at him.

"Well then that's that." He smiles at me and my mom.

I don't like the way he looks at my mom. It's the same pig look every guy gives her, especially the guys at my high school when she picks me up. It's so perverted I swear!

"Mom I'm ready to go." I burst out, wanting to get out of here.

"Oh all right hun. Let's go."

On the car ride home, it was just awkward. No talking or music playing on the radio, just silence.

I know my mom didn't know what to say about my attempted suicide, well not really attempt suicide more like 'accidental'. I just wanted to cut to let go of the world and forget the bull shit that happened that day.

"You know there are other answers besides..."

"Mom!" I cut her off. "I don't wanna talk about it please lets just forget it." I pull my long dark purple sleeve over my hands and turn my head facing my side of the car door.

"Just tell me what I did wrong!" My mom yells out, scaring the hell out of me.

"Nothing! It's just... Nothing all right let it go!"

"It's not nothing! What did I do to make you so mess..." She stops herself but it's to late. "Hun, I didn't mean it like that. I ment..."

"Just stop, okay. I get it I'm a screw up, I  hear it all the time I don't need to you telling me as well, mom!" Tears pour down my face as I press my forehead against the car window avoiding any human contact with my mom.

She places her hand on my shoulder but I brush her off. Can't believe she would even say something like that. I just wanna get in my room and lock the door to escape from reality.

Why couldn't that last cut end my life.

I flop onto my bed and grasp tight against the sheets as I scream into the mattress, letting out all of my anger and depression in a horrifying scream. Why can't people leave me alone! I'm already dead inside. I touch my bandaged wrist and glide my finger against it, remembering how it felt as my life faded away. I began to cry again.

I slowly made my way towards my closet and see the red blood stained carpet. I stared at it for a while and took a deep breath. I take off my long sleeved purple shirt. I grab a long baggy band T and put it on slowly, trying to avoid any contact with the bandages. I stare down at my toes and notice I'm on the spot I dropped before I began cutting. I slowly took my foot off the spot and made my way towards my bed. I look at the clock and see it's 7:45 PM. It's early but sleep is the only escape I have right now. I get under my thick black and purple sheets and began to shut my eyes, reliving that moment before my vision faded b away.

God, please help me at least. I'm a wreck, you say you love everyone so why not me. I grab my sheets tight and dig my face into my pillow and let out another hurtful scream. "Why... Not... Me!"